Choices
by Rebanut
Summary: This is a story about choices, and the what ifs in life. Sue is forced to make a life changing choice, one that makes her realize what's really important in life.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

This story is dedicated to my Aunt Pat.

XXXXXX

"OK Sue. You can get dressed and meet me in my office." Dr. Kerswell said. Sue waited for her doctor to leave the room before she took the paper drape from her lower body, crumpling it before she tossed it into the trash can.

She got dressed quickly and made her way across the hall to the open door of Marion Kerswell's office. Her doctor was in her late fifties, but looked much younger. Sue determined her age by the graduation years on the diplomas hanging on her wall. She had completed college, and med school in Massachusetts, specializing in women's health. The office was decorated more like a den of a home than a doctor's office. The shelves along the walls were made of thick curved glass and held an array of proud family photographs. Sue'd been there enough to know the stories behind most of the pictures. She smiled when she entered the office, a new frame had taken its place on the high shelf just to the right of the doctor's desk. It was Marion and her youngest daughter at her high school graduation. The girl was the spitting image of her mother. She was slender with a face full of freckles, shoulder length strawberry blonde hair, bright green eyes that sparkled when she was happy. Sue had seen that look, that sparkle- but not today.

"Hi Dr. Kerswell. Can I come in?" Sue asked hesitantly.

"Oh, sure, come in Sue." She said. "Close the door behind you, ok?" She continued. Marion continued to write in Sue's chart, then handed her a card with a time and date scribbled on it.

"What's this?" Sue asked. "Is everything alright?" She asked, suddenly feeling a rock form in the pit of her stomach.

"Have you ever had a mammogram Sue? I don't see it marked in your chart." She asked calmly.

"No. Is something wrong?" She asked nervously.

"Maybe not. Is there a history of breast cancer in your family? On either side?" Dr. Kerswell asked. Sue's face drained of blood, leaving her light headed. There were a ton of questions, random thoughts that rushed through her mind all at once.

"Uhh…" Was all she got out. She scrunched her eyes together, trying to regain some focus. Sue looked down at the card, her fingers shaking so hard, she could hardly see the writing. "I don't know. I think maybe my father's aunt… I- I don't know." Sue stumbled.

Marion reached across her desk, and took Sue's hand in her own squeezing it lightly.

"Sue. It might be nothing." She said, trying to reassure her. "What I felt was very small. It might be thickened fatty tissue. It might be nothing." She stressed. A small smile curved on the corner of her mouth. "Sue, I just want to take a look. I want to make sure, that's all." She said again.

"This is for tomorrow morning. Are you that concerned?" Sue asked, her eyebrows pushed together.

"Yes." She simply said. "It's better to be safe, right? If it's something of concern, we're ahead of the game." She said. "Look, try not to think the worst. You need to go, get the mammogram done, and we'll see what the radiologist says. If he or she doesn't see anything, you're in the clear." The doctor said. "Tomorrow morning, in the x-ray department at the hospital, 7:15. Don't wear any kind of powder or deodorant. I'll call you."

"Dr. Kerswell, this isn't… couldn't be… cancer, could it? I mean, I'm too young, right? I mean, that's not what you're thinking… is it?" Sue asked in disbelief.

"I'm thinking I felt something that shouldn't be there. I want someone who knows what they're looking at to examine you. I don't want to jump three steps ahead. As I said, it _could_ be nothing." The doctor said, trying to make sue comfortable.

With that Sue walked out of the office. Her head was in a fog. She felt tears sting her eyes and fall onto her cheeks. She made it back to her car, but wasn't really sure how. She turned the key and the fan from the air conditioner blew hot air at her face. Sue could feel a sinking feeling in her chest, a heaviness, she could hardly catch her breath. Her hands were shaking violently as she tried to shift the car into drive. Sue let her head lean onto the steering wheel, and the tears fell. It was nearly ten minutes when she regained some sense of composure- enough to at least be able to drive. As she lifted her head from the wheel, she caught a passing glance of herself in the rear view. Sue put her head against the head rest, clinching her eyes tight, fighting back more tears. She suddenly, and violently slammed her fists- palms down- onto the steering wheel over and over as a primal scream came from deep inside her. Her whole body trembled, tears poured from her eyes.

Memories of her father's sister dying from breast cancer when Sue was in high school came flooding back. Sue made her way to the coffee shop near the park intending to order an iced latte. As she got out of her car, she noticed a small church on the corner. A short stroll led her to the steps. She climbed them, and made her way to a pew near the front. She knelt and put her head on her hands and talked to God.

"_Hi God. I'm so scared… I can't even think straight. Why is this happening to me? Why me? What have I done?"_ She asked silently. Tears sprinkled her cheeks again. _"I don't think I can do this. Why? Why would you do this to me? Make me go through this? Why?!" _She asked, screaming in her head. The tears fell harder onto her face. Sue gritted her teeth, trying to get some control. Her chest was so heavy, it was so hard for her to breathe. She couldn't control her emotions anymore, and pulled her arms tightly around herself, and sobbed. She sat for a while, she didn't know how long. She was still staring at the floor, in silent thought. She wasn't exactly talking to God anymore, just thinking. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder. It didn't scare her as it usually did when a stranger touched her. She looked up, her vision blurred from tears. She scrambled in her pocket for a tissue, but one was handed to her.

"Thank you." She said, wiping her eyes and nose.

"Are you alright miss?" The man asked. Sue shook her head. "Can I help?" He asked. Again Sue shook her head. It was then that Sue looked up to see a man of the cloth standing over her.

"I'm sorry. I needed a place to think…pray." She said. She looked at the man as he sat in the pew in front of her, and noticed he was a Rabi. She smiled in embarrassment.

"No worries, he listens no matter where you are." He said reassuringly. "I'm sure it doesn't matter to him that you're in a synagogue." He teased. Sue smiled, appreciative for the break in seriousness.

"Is there anything I can do? I've been told I'm a pretty good listener." He said. Sue shook her head.

"No thank you. I received some bad news today, that's all. I think I needed to cry about it a bit." She paused. "I know I'm not supposed to question Him, but how… how do I not?" She shook her head and pushed herself off the bench. The preacher touched her upper arm.

"Are you angry with Him?" he asked. Sue nodded. "Don't beat yourself up over that, it's normal. It too shall pass. "Miss…. If you find you want someone to talk to, this is where you can find me." He said, holding out his hand for her. She took the hand and left feeling a bit better.

She walked around the park, sipping her iced drink slowly. As the steps increased, so did her control. The stop at the temple, and her conversation with God had helped. She felt right again, able to face her closest friend without giving away her secret, and able to face the possibility of having cancer. She didn't see the point of telling any of them before there was something to tell. Her anger had passed, but loomed just under the surface. With that reality, she decided work wasn't where she wanted to be.

An hour later, the puffiness and redness in her eyes had gone away. She had fixed her makeup, and taken back her self-confident stride. She cautiously opened the door to her apartment, readying her excuse for not being at work for Lucy. She was relieved to see that Lucy had already gone out for the night with a new friend, a cute new male friend.

She took a long hot bath, nearly falling asleep in the bubbles. The day dragged on for what seemed like forever. Sue decided after a quick bite, a quick walk for Levi and his dinner served, she was going to go to bed, which is exactly what she did.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

As always, I don't own any part of Sue Thomas FBI, I only do this because I love to write, and I love the show! Please let me know what you think!

Sue woke up at 5:30 to shower. She knew she was clean from her bath the night before, but something told her a hot shower would help. It didn't. She fed Levi while she grabbed a bagel and a travel mug of orange juice.

"Sorry Pal. No time for a walk in the park today. When I get back." She promised him.

"_Hi Luce! I have an appointment. Can you please take Levi to work? I will meet you there. If you have time, can you walk him? Thanks. Sue."_ She wrote in a note and left it on the table. She dashed out the door, careful not to slam it behind her and wake Lucy.

Morning traffic was hell in the city. She managed to get to the hospital by 6:55. Nearly ten minutes passed before she found a parking spot, leaving her with only a few minutes to get to the x-ray department and get registered. Sue'd never been to that part of the hospital before, and quickly got turned around. She could feel panic start to overtake her. She asked for directions twice before an older woman heard her asking.

"I'll take you." She said to Sue. Sue had her back to the woman, and didn't hear her. Sue was still trying to get someone's attention for help when the older woman tapped her on her shoulder.

"Miss, I can take you. I'm headed there myself." She said. Her smile was warm and comforting.

Sue noticed the woman was tall and thin, but had a regalness about her that caught Sue's eye. She looked a bit frail, tired, but stood straight and proud. She was wearing a knee length turquoise dress with black accents. A turban wound tight upon her head. Sue noticed the turban matched the outfit perfectly. On her right side, in the middle of the headdress, there was a pin made of what Sue assumed was crystals the way they sparkled. They were pink and clear and formed a ribbon- a breast cancer awareness ribbon. The woman had a look of determination in her eye. She also had a look of peace.

"The first time you come here can be so confusing. I remember I got lost at least five times the first five times I came here!" She said with a hearty laugh. Sue couldn't help but join her. "Sonogram?" She asked Sue with a teasing sparkle in her eye.

"Excuse me?" Sue said, not sure what she was referring to .

"Why you're here?" She said. "Oh, I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me. I just like to make small talk on my way in." The senior woman explained.

"Oh." Sue laughed in spite of herself. "No. Not a sonogram." Sue said. "A mammogram." She answered, her voice breaking.

"Routine." The older woman said.

"Hardly." Sue answered.

"Do you have faith, child?" The woman asked. Sue nodded. "Keep it. Good and strong." She said, patting her hand. "It will get you through."

Sue walked to the window to check in, but stepped back to let her new friend go first.

"Oh, thank you Honey, but they know who I am." She said as she waved goodbye and walked through the doors that led to the actual x-ray rooms.

"I'm Sue Thomas." She said. A smile crossed her lips as she thought back to the first time she'd said that to Jack. It was the first time she'd ever met the team- met him.

"Do you have insurance Ms. Thomas?" The receptionist asked. Sue nodded and handed her the card. The woman copied the card and asked for a copay. Sue just stood there. The young woman looked up at Sue. "Miss?" She repeated. "If you don't have it today, we can bill you." She said.

"I'm sorry, what?" Sue asked.

"Your copay. If you don't have it today, we can bill you." She explained.

"Oh, no." Sue reached into her wallet for her credit card. "If you're talking to me, you need to look at me so I can read your lips. I'm deaf and can't hear what you said." Sue explained.

"I'm sorry for the mix up. I'll try to keep that in mind." She said handing Sue back her card, and a receipt to sign. "Can you fill out this paperwork, and they'll call you in a few minutes." She said. Sue took the clip board and pen. Nearly fifteen minutes later, Sue returned the board to the secretary.

"Sue Thomas?" A voice called from the door that led to the corridor. "Come with me please." A middle aged woman with chestnut brown hair, cut short, instructed. "My name's Sally. I'll be doing your films today." She said, walking nearly backwards so Sue could read her. Sally grabbed a johnny from a linen closet. After they rounded the corner, there was a waiting area fitted with soft leather chairs and a case full of books and magazines. There were three other women sitting in the small area, most were of retirement age Sue thought.

"You can change in there. Put your clothes in the locker; take your purse with you." She said handing Sue the garment. "Do you have any powder or deodorant on?" She asked. Sue scrunched her nose and shook her head. "I'll be with you in a few minutes." Sally said as Sue walked to the changing room.

When Sue came out of the changing area, she noticed one of the older women was gone. She fiddled with a book, but settled on a magazine. She flipped through it, but didn't actually see anything on the pages.

Sally reappeared in the doorway. "Sue?" She said waving her hand. "I'm ready for you." She said. "Come in." She closed the door behind them. "Put your purse on that table." Sally walked to the computer and clicked on the keys.

"This is your first exam?" She asked. Sue nodded. "Nervous?" She asked rhetorically. Again, Sue nodded. "You're in good hands. I'll take good care of you." She said, clicking once more. "OK. I'm going to shoot your left side first. I'll move your breast to where it needs to be, and your arm. Since you're deaf, I'm going to ask that you look at me as best you can when I'm positioning you. I'll try to stay in your line of sight." She said smiling softly. "If you lose me, tell me."

Sue took a deep breath and let it out hard. "Good thinking." She said. "Take another deep breath, but this time, let it out nice and slow." Sue did as she was told. "Good. Now, hopefully, your nerves will settle for you." She laughed, as did Sue. "This isn't easy to be on that side, even if you're a tech. I've been there, it's nerve wracking!" She chuckled. The tech switched out trays that Sue's breast would sit on for the exam.

Finally, she was ready for Sue. "Slip this side off, let your arm slide out. There you go." She encouraged as Sue did as she was told. Sally lifted Sue's breast and placed it on the cold glass plate. She pulled the x-ray machine down toward Sue's chest. "This might hurt, but do your best to suck it up and stay very still. If they're not clear, we'll have to do them again." She said. There were handles that looked like vice grips on the side to lock everything in place and press her nearly flat. "Put your arm up here. Yeah, like that. Turn your body more into the machine. Good." Sally said as she walked behind a protective glass. "Take a deep breath and hold it." Sue felt the vibrations of the machine and Sally reappeared.

Sally released the grip the machine had on her. "Go ahead, take a step back." She turned the machine and asked her step up once more. She took another picture, this time from the top. When the exam was completed, she had taken a total of six x-rays, three on each side.

"Can I ask you something?" Sue finally managed to get the gumption to ask.

"Sure." She said as she clicked on the keyboard. "If you're going to ask me if I saw something, I can't answer that. I don't read the pictures." Sally said.

"What now? I mean, if there's something…" Sue began.

"Your doctor will send you for more tests. Blood work, a biopsy. After that, it depends on the extent of things, how progressed it is, and what you want to do." She said. Sue didn't seem to like that answer. "I know, that's vague, I'm sorry. Every case is different. You might just have some fat cells linking together. I see that a lot." She said, trying to make this easier for her.

"Thanks." Sue said.

"You're in luck. The radiologist is here today- early. Usually they don't make it in until 11 or so." Sally said laughing as she rolled her eyes. "Go back into the waiting area and I'll get these read for you." She said, bringing Sue back to the waiting area, and disappeared around a corner. Sue could feel her eyes becoming heavy and starting to close. She realized then, she hadn't really slept much the night before. Thirty minutes went by, and Sally finally appeared at the door.

"Sue? Come on back." She said leading the way to the radiologist on call's office. Sue walked in and stood behind a chair that sat in front of a desk. Sally slipped out the door and Sue noticed the regal looking woman who sat behind the desk, wearing a purple and black turban with a pink and clear crystal breast cancer awareness pin.

"Well, hello again." The older woman said to Sue, holding out her hand. "I'm Rebecca Collard, radiologist." She said, taking Sue's hand in hers.

"Sue Thomas. I'm sorry, I thought you were a patient." Sue remarked.

"Yes. I get that a lot. I have horrible arthritis in my left hip. It makes me seem frail. The turban gives people the impression I'm going through chemo, and the pin makes them assume I have breast cancer." She laughed. "Truth is, I wear the turban when I have a bad hair day, and I've had too many friends fight the boobie fight. I wear the pin to honor them." She smiled warmly at Sue.

"Are your friends still here?" Sue asked before she could stop herself. "The ones who fought."

"Most of them, yes." She answered.

"I'm only guessing that if you didn't see anything you would have sent me home." Sue said, her voice shaky.

"You know what they say about assuming things my darling." Rebecca stated. "You're right in that I would have sent you home if there was nothing, but I want to take another look at a spot. I want to schedule a sonogram after all…" She teased. Sue smiled.

"For when?" Sue asked.

"As soon as possible." She answered.

"Now?" Sue offered.

"Are you up for that?" She asked with an arched brow.

"I hate not knowing what's going on." Sue admitted. Rebecca nodded and picked up the phone.

"OK, Sally will get you set up. Are you comfortable with Sally?" She asked. Sue nodded. "She'll do the sonogram and I'll look at that."

XXXXX

Sue lay on an exam table in a brightly lit room. The ceiling had panels of a blue sky sprinkled with puffy white clouds and birds floating across them_. Is that supposed to make this better? Make me feel better? _She asked herself, feeling out of sorts with herself. Sally entered the room and pulled up a chair next to the exam table.

"OK. Let's get that johnnie off." Sally said, helping Sue off with the top. "Put this towel under your shoulder. It will help with the cold from the steel table, and it will catch any goop that slides into your arm pit." She laughed. Sue laughed too, but made a face about the goop.

"Oh!" Sue exclaimed. "This table is ice cold." She said.

"Yeah, they don't think if those things when they design them, that's for sure!" She said. "Have you ever had a sonogram of any kind?" She asked. Sue shook her head no. "First, I'm going to squirt some of this gel on the area I'm going to look at. Then, I'm going to press this wand onto that area to see what I can see. I will have to press pretty hard, and it might hurt if I hit the mass directly." She explained. Sue instantly picked up on the word "mass", and panic began to set in again.

With a quick motion, the warm gel fell onto Sue breast, and just as quickly began to seep into her arm pit. Sue rolled her eyes into her head and bit her lip to try to ignore the sensation. Sally laughed.

"Told ya." She said, sharing a good laugh with Sue. "After a few minutes, She handed Sue another towel, telling her to wipe off and put her johnny back on. You can sit up and take a minute. I'll be right back." It only took Sally a minute to return. She helped Sue on with the thin layer of material and off the table. "Rebecca will see you in a minute." She said.

"That can't be good." Sue muttered.

"Actually, she insists on talking to all of the women who get to this point. It's her way." Sally said. Sally escorted Sue back to Rebecca's office.

"Hello Sue." She said smiling at her.

"So?" She asked nervously.

"I think we have something we need to look closer at. I don't think it's fat cells." She said softly, evenly with no panic in her voice.

"I-I have cancer?" Sue asked fear gripping her.

"Oh, let's not go there quite yet." She said. "I'm going to recommend a biopsy. Dr. Kerswell will want blood work to check your cell counts."

"Oh my God, I have…" She began. Rebecca took her hands and squeezed them to get Sue's attention.

"Keep that faith." She said.

"What… what if…" Sue began, but couldn't make herself form the words.

"Don't worry about the 'what if's' yet. If this turns out to be cancer, there are options. It's very small, which makes me think you caught it very early." She sighed. "Don't panic. Try to take one day at a time, one test at a time." Sue shook her hand and turned back to the dressing area. The rest of the day was a blur. She drove home, snuggled on the couch with Levi which sipping a cup of coffee that she didn't remember making.

Levi pawed at Sue. She looked at her Black Berry on the table, it was lighting in with an incoming call. Sue casually picked it up, thinking it was one of the team. It was Dr. Kerswell. Sue nervously picked up.

"Sue?" She asked. "It's Dr. Kerswell. I've been trying to get in touch with you." She said.

"I'm sorry. I needed some time to absorb everything." She said softly.

"I have an appointment set up for you for the biopsy. Can you make it for 8:45 tomorrow morning?" She asked. The oncology department at the hospital. It's on the 5th floor." She said.

"OK." Was Sue's only response.

"Will you be there?" the doctor asked.

"Yes." Sue said and hung up the phone. As the Black Berry went dark, tears slipped down her cheeks, and he wrapped her arms around herself and sobbed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

As a writer, I love to hear what you the readers think of the stories I pour my heart and soul into. Good or bad, let me know, but, as always, be nice about it.

After the call from the doctor, Sue managed to make her way into her room. She closed the door and sat on her bed, pulling her pillow to her chest. The tears had dried, and Sue sat there staring at a sun spot on the wall. She got up once, just before Lucy would return from work to grab a bottle of water, and take a bathroom break. Levi followed her back into her room. He could sense something was wrong. Sue sat back up on the bed, and picked up her phone and called her mom. As she was to about to press the last number, she slammed the phone closed.

"I can't do that to her. I'm not telling anyone until Dr. Kerswell tells me I have cancer. It's not fair to anyone else to scare them like that." She said patting Levi's head, rubbing his ears gently. Levi wagged his tail and put his head down on Sue's stomach. It wasn't long before sleep over took her. Levi laid on top of Sue for a long time before Lucy finally came home from work. When he heard Lucy, he trotted to the kitchen.

"Hey Boy. Where's Sue?" She asked, putting her bag of groceries away. Levi made his way back to Sue's door and sat. Lucy followed, lightly pushing on the open door. She stood as still as she could, just watching her best friend sleep. Sue wasn't sleeping comfortably though. Her facial features were tormented, angry. She tossed and rolled, her mind desperately trying to stay at rest. Lucy pulled the door tighter and walked back to the living room. She had picked up a pizza for her and Sue to share, but ate alone.

"Jack?" Lucy said into the phone. "Have you talked to Sue today?" Lucy listened. "No, she's here, but she's sleeping. I was wondering if you knew what was going on with her. She's been distant the past couple days. It's not like her to take a day off of work, never mind two." Lucy smiled at Jack's comment, then took a deep breath, letting it out loudly. "Yeah. Thanks. I'll let you know." She said, disconnecting the phone.

Levi looked up at Lucy as she hung up the phone. "He wasn't any help. He doesn't know what's going on with her either." She paused. "I don't suppose you'll spill the beans huh?"

Sue got up early to shower and get out before Lucy woke up and could question her. She wasn't ready to talk about it yet. She left another note.

"I have another appointment this morning. I'll see you tonight." Lucy was upset when she read that.

"That's it Levi! She's going to talk to me today." Lucy said, determined.

XXXXXXXXXX

Sue made her way pretty quickly to the hospital's oncology department for her biopsy. After checking in and filling out yet more paperwork, she sat again in the waiting area. Her Black Berry vibrated. She looked at it-"Lucy." She said quietly. She put it back in her pocket without answering it.

A nurse appeared in the doorway.

"I'm sorry for the delay this morning. Some of our techs are stuck in accident traffic on the highway. Please be patient. We'll be with you as soon as we can." She said, and turned back for the safety of the office. Sue breathed out heavily. She had been reading something from a book table, but couldn't concentrate on it enough to enjoy the story.

It was nearly an hour that passed before a woman dressed in pink scrubs and a pink kitty top to match opened the door.

"Sue?" She called. Sue looked up to see the woman there. "Are you Sue?" She asked. Sue nodded. "Come with me please. They walked down the hall, the woman flipping through a file. Sue could tell she was saying something, but couldn't see her well enough to know what.

"Excuse me." Sue said, touching the nurses arm. "I'm sorry. I'm deaf. I can't tell what you're saying to me." Sue said rather impatiently- out of the ordinary for her.

"You're deaf?" She asked in disbelief.

"Yes!" Sue answered. "I've been here three times already this week and had to explain that each time! Why hasn't somebody figured out to add that tidbit to my chart already?!" Sue gasped at how badly she reacted .

"I-I'm sorry, I wasn't aware." The nurse answered.

"I'm so very sorry!" Sue said, talking over the nurse. "I'm not usually like this." Sue said, her cheeks on fire from the embarrassment she felt from her own behavior.

"Totally understandable." The nurse reassured her touching her arm gently.

"Maybe so, but not acceptable." Sue said.

"Do we need someone who can sign?" She asked, trying to her best to sign that little bit.

Sue chuckled. "No. I can read lips, but I can't see yours." Sue explained.

"Thank God! My signing is not anywhere close to conversational." She said. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you're deaf. I will remember to look directly at you."

"Thanks. Would you mind repeating some of that?" Sue asked.

"Of course. I was saying that we were ready for you, asking if you'd had your blood work done yet, and if you had any questions." She repeated in a summary form.

"No on the blood work, and so many questions I don't know where to start." She said.

"Ask away. There are no stupid questions. I will explain something as best I can, or get someone who can do it better until you're satisfied with the answer." She said.

"I'm sorry, I missed your name." Sue said apologetically.

"Anne. I am your nurse while you're here. If this needs to be revisited, I will be your nurse then too." She answered.

"By revisited do you mean if this is cancer?" Sue asked. Anne nodded. "How many times are you not the nurse the second time around?" Sue asked.

Anne smiled. "I'll be candid with you Sue. Usually when you get to this point, it's something that I will see you again for. It's not always cancer, but it usually requires a follow up." She answered. Sue's concern grew. "If you want a change, you let me know, and we'll get you another nurse." She said trying to comfort her some.

"No. I like that you're honest." Sue said smiling.

"Do you want me to explain the procedure? I only ask because some people are squeamish about such things." Anne offered.

"Please." Sue said, not totally convinced she wanted to know.

Sue sat in a chair across from Anne's desk in her office. Anne sat on the end of her desk holding a small wall poster.

"First, we're going to do an x-ray to get a precise location of the mass that we're taking a piece of. Then we'll mark the spot on your breast. You will go into the OR and lay on your stomach, with your breast through a hole in the table. The doctor will give you a topical medication to numb the area, and then we'll give you a local anesthetic. This will make the procedure nearly painless. The doctor will probably use a fine needle." Sue looked concerned and a bit shaky. "Don't worry, he's very good. Do you want me to continue?" She asked. Sue nodded. "He or a nurse will hold your breast steady, and he'll use a syringe to draw out some of the fluid so we can send it to the lab." She explained.

"How long will it be before I know…" Sue asked.

"You'll probably know tomorrow. The lab processes the samples pretty quickly. We'll do the blood while we're doing the rest of the poking and prodding." She joked.

"Thanks!" Sue said sarcastically.

"Do you want something for the anxiety? There's no shame in it." Anne offered. Sue shook her head no. "If it gets to be too much for you, we can administer a general anesthetic, but you'll need a ride home." Anne informed her. Again, Sue shook her head no. "OK. A few last minute questions. Have you experienced any pain in your left breast?"

"No, none." Sue answered.

"Have you noticed any leakage from your nipples? Anything at all?" She asked. Sue looked at her oddly.

"No, nothing like you hear about with new mothers. I noticed my bra stuck to me the other day… a week ago maybe, but thought it was just from being sweaty." Sue said, panic written on her face.

"These are routine questions Sue, don't panic on me. OK?" She asked, pausing. "Have you had anything to eat or drink today?" She asked.

"No one told me not to eat. I had a piece of toast and coffee." Sue said cringing that she would have to wait for the test.

"That's fine. We need to know so we know not to give you a general. No one wants to get puked on…" Anne laughed. Sue did too.

"And, lastly, any chance you could be pregnant?" She asked.

"No!" Sue said with more emphasis than she'd intended. Nurse Anne laughed.

"Dry spell. I get it." She said still laughing.

"Yeah, something like that." Sue muttered.

"Do you have any other questions before we get started?" She asked Sue. Sue shook her head. "Do you want to call someone to be here for you? Or I could call for you?" She offered.

"No. I haven't told anyone about this yet." Sue said with a sadness in her voice.

"Why not? Don't you want someone here to have your back?" She paused. "Who's held you when you've cried about this? I know you have, we all do." She asked, revealing a bit of her own secret.

"Levi." Sue said, her eyes beginning to fill. "Levi's the only one I've told." She finished.

"Your boyfriend?" Anne asked.

"No. My dog." Sue clarified. Anne let out a good laugh.

"What about your boyfriend? He doesn't know?" Anne asked as she began to walk with Sue to the operating room.

"I don't have one. I have some close friends and my family, but I don't want to worry them until there's something to worry about." Sue said.

"You're stronger than I was. I think I told everyone, and they held me up." Anne said. "Come in here, everything off. Put this one on and this one in the other direction." She said handing Sue a pair of johnnies. Anne turned her back and began to prepare for the procedure. Sue changed and sat on the table.

"You've gone through this?" Sue asked.

"Oh yeah." Anne explained. She began to take Sue's vitals as she continued her story. "They found a cancerous lump in my right breast. Since there was a heavy family history they offered me what I thought was the safest option. A week after finding the lump and determining that it was indeed cancer, I had a double mastectomy." She explained.

"Wow. That was pretty extreme." Sue said.

"Yes it was. But it saved my life." She explained. "That happened almost eight years ago now. No sign of cancer at all. I go every six months now. I have an x-ray and blood work. We're very cautious, but I'm pretty confident I'll die when I'm old." She said with a laugh.

"Can I ask you something personal?" Anne nodded. "How was…" She started.

"The sex?" She interrupted.

"No! Heaven's no!" Sue blurted out, turning crimson red. Both women laughed. "No… I was going to ask, how was your husband… you know, after?

"Didn't want to see it til the staples were out, but did. He's been such a God send. I don't know what I would have done without him." Anne said smiling gratefully. "He was at my side for every moment, everything that went along with it- he didn't budge." She said, her eyes misted just a bit. "But… I'll tell you, I think he's worse about keeping his hands off me more since I've had the surgery than he was before!" Anne laughed hard. "The sex is still incredible!" She laughed more, causing Sue to blush more. "Honestly though, Hun, I think he's just grateful I'm still here…" She said. Sue smiled.

"Do a lot of women still die from breast cancer?" Sue asked obviously nervous.

"Too many, yeah. Most women don't pay attention to the subtle changes. They don't do self-exams, don't so see a doctor. If it's caught early, it's virtually curable." She answered. "Why don't you lay back here, try to get comfortable and relax for a minute. I'm going to go scrub and see if I can't get Drak up here." She said.

"Drak?" Sue asked.

"Yeah." She laughed. "His name is Drake, but we call him Drak cause he's the blood guy. We'll get your blood work taken care of while you're sitting here doing nothing." Anne teased. "Sit tight." As she opened the door, a good looking young man with a slight beard that just trimmed the outline of his square jaw came in. "Well, speaking of the devil himself!" Anne teased. "Drak, you take good care of my patient, you hear?" Anne scolded.

"Yes ma'am." He assured.

"Oh, Drak, she's deaf. Make sure you're looking at her if you talk to her." She said and walked out the door.

"Well, you know who I am… you are?" He asked, looking at her bracelet.

"Sue Thomas." She answered.

"Your birthdate Ms. Thomas?" He asked.

"May 24." She answered.

"Thank you." He said, taking her arms in his hands. "Do you care which one we use?" He asked. Sue shook her head. "You squeamish at all?" He asked.

"Not really." She answered. She was closer to him than she was used to. Even Jack didn't get that close. Sue couldn't help but notice his overall good looks. His eyes were piercing blue, and his smile she was pretty sure was trademarked. His face was very expressive. His eye brows arched and moved as if a separate entity. Suddenly she realized he was watching her. She looked up and caught his stare. She blushed, he laughed.

"You didn't hear a word I said, did you?" He asked. Sue shook her head.

"I'm sorry." She said, blushing.

"Eyes or dimple?" He asked confidently.

"Excuse me?" Sue asked, blushing a deeper shade of pink.

"Most women get caught up in my eyes or my dimple." He said still smiling. Sue couldn't tell if he was cocky or sweet. She bit her lip and didn't answer the question. He laughed and said she was all done.

"That's it?" She asked. "I didn't even feel a thing." She said.

He finished putting the labels on the vials of blood and packing up his supplies when he turned to her "The eyes. They always seem to feel the needle when it's the dimple… not my eyes." He said with a grin as he left the room.

"I'm back." Anne said as she entered the room wearing blue surgery scrubs.

"Doesn't he have the bluest eyes? I get lost in them every time" She said laughing. Sue blushed. "You know, I happen to know he's very single at the moment, and you two are about the same age…" Anne suggested.

"I think my plate's about full at the moment, but thank you." Sue said softly. Anne put an IV in Sue's right hand, hanging a bag of fluids.

The door sprung open and another nurse dressed in scrubs same as Anne.

"Well, are we about ready to get started?" Someone asked. Sue gave a half smile that was obviously forced.

The two nurses proceeded to lay Sue on the hard cold steel table. Her hair was put up in a blue net. Her johnnies were removed, and upper body washed. Anne helped her roll onto her stomach and get her situated for the procedure.

A cover was placed over the rest of her exposed body. A warm blanket was placed over her legs causing her to shiver.

"How are you holding up?" Anne asked.

"I'm OK." Sue said.

The door opened once more, and a man entered. Sue turned her head, trying to see, but Anne turned her head toward her.

"You need to keep looking in this direction. You can't move." Anne said sternly.

"I just wanted to see my doctor. I mean, if he's going to touch me, then I would at least like to know he's good looking." Sue whispered jokingly. Anne winked and smiled wide. She glanced up at the doctor.

"I'll say this… He's Drak's father, and Drak gets his looks from his father's side." She said teasing both the doctor and Sue. Sue blushed, but was grateful that only Anne could see.

The doctor approached Sue and applied the topical, then a needle full of anesthetic loomed near her skin. Anne was on Sue's right side adjusting the drip from the IV and trying to keep Sue calm.

"You're going to feel a burning, but it will be the worst pain you'll feel today." Anne said reassuringly. Tears stung Sue's eyes, one slid down the side of her face and landed right on the tip of her nose. Anne laughed at her as she wiped the tear away. Anne held Sue's hand, squeezing it when she thought she might feel something. Sue closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on Jack. She pictured his smile, his dark chocolate brown eyes. She wondered if he would be the type of man Anne's husband had been for her, not that she had any right to think he'd be there at all. She could feel his lips on hers again, feel the passion ignite between them. She didn't know how much time had passed, but she felt Anne squeezing her hand.

"How ya doin?" She asked.

"I'm OK. Tell me what they're doing?" Sue asked.

"Well, I would, but they're done." Anne answered. "You lay still." The doctor finished his procedure and placed a bandage over the spot that the needle had entered to prevent any bleeding. Anne helped Sue out of the table and then sat her up. Anne put a johnnie on her and placed an ice pack across her breast and offered Sue some orange juice as she slowly sat up.

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

"Pretty good." Sue said. "What now?" She asked.

"They'll take the samples to the lab and test them. The results will be provided to Dr. Hodges who did the procedure and Dr. Kerswell. They'll be kept in your file here. Dr. Kerswell will call you as soon as they come in, good or bad." Anne said while she cleaned up the area. Sue slowly sipped the orange juice and summoned the courage to ask a question she wasn't sure she wanted the answer to.

"What if it's bad?" Sue asked softly, her voice shaky.

"Let's keep positive thoughts, ok?" Anne said.

"I need to know…" Sue insisted.

Anne sat on the side of the table, took Sue's hands in hers and forced a smile to her lips.

"Sue, the next step will depend on the test results. I think you should really sit down with Dr. Kerswell and talk this over. I also wouldn't worry so much about it until there's something to worry about. You're going to give yourself grey hair doing that!" Anne said. An orderly came to the room with a wheel chair. "Ahh, your ride is here." Anne said. "You're going to go to recovery for an hour or so, then I'll check your vitals and send you on your way." She said helping Sue into the chair.

Once they got Sue settled into the recovery room, Anne gave her a good book to read and some crackers with more juice. "Slowly" was all she said as she turned to walk out of the recovery room.

"Anne?" Sue called. Anne turned to look at Sue. "Thanks. For everything." Anne smiled and waved.

"I don't want to see you back here again Sue…" Anne said walking around the corner.

XXXXX

The time passed quickly as Sue began to peruse the book that Anne gave her. It was a life story, love story, and the escape that Sue desperately needed. She was grateful for the crackers and juice, but more for the distraction. Anne came back in and took Sue's vitals. Everything was normal.

"You're about good to go. You need to be here for an hour, but after that, an orderly will bring you down. Any questions for me?" She asked.

Sue shook her head.

"Good. You sit here and read that book, it's really good. I hope I don't see you again. You take care!" Anne said as she left the recovery area. Sue could see Anne stop at the nurse's station and write something in what she assumed was her chart. Sue was four chapters into the book when the orderly came around the corner holding her discharge paperwork which included instructions for keeping the area clean, what to look for if an infection developed, and a prescription for pain medicine. On the first page of the instructions was a hand written note from Anne.

'Keep the book. Robyn Carr's my favorite author, enjoy it. Fill the pain meds before you go home. Take care-Anne'.

The orderly pushed Sue to the entrance to the hospital closest to where she'd parked her car. She made the short trek through the parking area to her car. Once she got in, she noticed the clock, it was already past 1. She did as Anne suggested and filled the prescription early. She stopped at the deli near the house and picked up some homemade soup. By the time Sue pushed open the door to her apartment, she was feeling tired once again.

She checked the messages on the house phone and noticed there were 22 missed calls, but only 4 messages. She glanced through to see that there were calls from every member of the team, even Myles, which surprised her a bit.

Sue realized that she hadn't checked her own phone all day. When she did, there were more messages there. There were no less than ten from Lucy alone. All of them read basically the same.

"Sue, I'm worried. Please call me. All these appointments… please call me."

Sue sighed. She needed to talk to Lucy, but she didn't want to do it over the phone. "A text! That will help." She said to herself.

"Hi Luce. I'm sorry, but I've been busy. I'll fill you in tonight. I'm home. I won't be in the office again today…LOL, guess there goes my vacation this year huh?" Sue hit 'send' and put her Black Berry on the table.

Sue sat on the couch nursing a bowl of soup and a hot cup of tea while she watched some afternoon television. She began to feel the ache on her breast where the procedure had been performed. She put the bowl down and opened the pain medication, taking one. She'd been afraid to go anywhere near the spot, but she was curious.

She relaxed against the arm of the couch and let her hand slip into her blouse. She gently touched the tender skin, brushing against the bandage. Sue unbuttoned her shirt and pulled her bra down, exposing the gauze pad. She lifted the pad looking for any sign of blood; there was only a small dot. Her skin had scabbed over with a thin layer of protection. Slowly, gently, Sue pressed on the tissue surrounding the area. She didn't feel anything. She sighed with disappointment. It was almost as if feeling something would make it more real. She shook herself out of it, and picked up Anne's book once more.

It was nearly six before Lucy came home with Levi in tow. Sue was sleeping with the couch blanket covering her and a long ago defrosted bag of peas on the floor next to her shoulder. Her book was closed with her thumb keeping her place. Lucy stood there watching her best friend sleeping peacefully. She went into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee, then poured a cup for herself, and one for Sue. She hated to do it, but she needed to get to the bottom of what was going on with Sue. As she walked back into the living room with the coffee, she spotted the bottle of pills. She picked them up reading the label. She could see they were Sue's and pain pills. She frowned.

"This has gone on long enough." She said. "Sue… Sue, wake up." Lucy whispered, shaking her best friend lightly on the shoulder. "Sue…" Sue's eyes fluttered open.

"Luce?" Sue asked trying to wake up. She sat up on the couch some. Lucy offered her the coffee which Sue gratefully took.

"It's good to see you." Lucy said softly.

"You too. Thanks for taking care of Levi today." She said, sipping the coffee. "Thanks for the coffee too."

"You OK?" Lucy asked, truly worried about her friend. Sue shrugged and sipped the coffee.

"Honestly, I've been better." Sue said honestly. She was visibly exhausted.

"So" Lucy said. "You want to tell me what's going on?" She asked in a demanding, but kind voice.

"No." Sue said, looking nervous.

"No?!" Lucy exclaimed.

"I said I didn't want to, not that I wouldn't." Sue said. Lucy picked up the peas and the pain meds. "Yeah… I'm sorry I haven't said anything before now, but I didn't want anyone to worry." She took a deep breath. "When I went to see Dr. Kerswell the other day, she felt something. She sent me for a mammogram, which showed something."

"Oh my God…" Lucy gasped. "Wh-what…" She began.

"That's what I've been doing, tests. I had the mammogram and sonogram yesterday. I went for a biopsy and blood work this morning. I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I just didn't want you to worry." Sue explained.

"What is it?" Lucy asked trying to regain the control over her emotions.

"I don't know yet. Dr. Kerswell will call me as soon as the results are in, but it will probably be tomorrow." Sue explained. "The peas are to help with any swelling, those are for pain."

"Does it hurt? Where is it?" Lucy asked cautiously.

"It's a very small tumor in my left breast, here." Sue said, pointing to the spot where they'd taken the samples. "It doesn't hurt too much, but then again, I took a pain pill a couple hours ago." Sue said trying to make a joke.

"What do they think?" She asked. Sue shrugged.

"They won't answer that question. They just say wait and see. So, I wait." Sue said.

"When are they going to call you?" Lucy asked as a tear fell onto her cheek. She brushed it away quickly, but Sue had already seen it. "Damn it."

"Depends on when the results are in. Probably tomorrow." Sue answered. She absent mindedly stroked Levi. "Luce?" Sue began. "Would you come with me, to Dr. Kerswell's office?"

"Of course!" Lucy said hugging Sue tight. "Sorry! Did I hurt you?" She asked. Sue shook her head.

"Do me another favor?" Sue asked.

"Anything." Lucy answered.

"Keep this between us for now. I know the team is worried about me, but until I know something I don't really want anyone to know. Just tell them I had some bad sushi." Sue joked.

"You don't like sushi." Lucy argued. "OK. I won't tell them about this. I think you should talk to Jack though. He was about to go looking for you until you sent that text."

"Thanks" Sue said. Tears threatened once more to spill from Sue's eyes. Lucy sat beside her on the couch. "I'm scared Luce." Sue said.

"Me too." Lucy said as she hugged Sue.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Thanks to everyone who took the time to review, and write. I appreciate your comments. To Barbara, johnnies are the smock they give you at a hospital. They are very thin, and have three ties on them. Hope that helps. As for kitties, they're baby cats, or kittens. I've always called them kitties. LOL, I think my daughter's doctor was wearing a 'kitty' scrub top last time we were there! In the US, they recommend women over 40 have an exam every 5 years, then 50 it's every 3? I think. My doctor felt something when I was 42, had me going in for mammograms and sonograms. Thank God, it was only fatty tissue. I go every 6 months now, just to be sure. My aunt wasn't so lucky, hers was cancer. The grace she faced it with is inspiring, and I thank God that she made the decision she made, and she's still here with us today to help me with this story! I'm TRYING to base Jack on how my uncle handled it, and the care he gave my aunt.

Sue woke up early the next morning. She looked at her alarm clock, it was barely 4:30. She groaned, knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep anymore. Levi jumped up on her bed, putting his head on her stomach. Sue scratched behind his ears and stroked his fur from his head to his back. Levi licked Sue's face twice, and then lay next to her licking her hands as Sue tried to pet him, as if he were trying to comfort her. He licked her twice, as if comforting her. An hour later, she found herself waking up again, this time to Levi licking her face and pacing near her door.

Sue got up and showered. After grabbing a bagel and juice, she decided to take Levi to the park for an early morning walk. The pace was slow and casual. She enjoyed watching the sun rise above the tree tops and the small animals who resided in the park. Sue let Levi off his leash inside the doggie park to run for a few minutes. She was grateful that Lucy had helped out so much with him the past couple of days, but she knew Lucy wasn't running with him. As she leaned against the enclosure she caught a glimpse of a very familiar figure jogging toward her. She looked up and an effortless smile appeared on her lips.

"Hi Jack." She said.

"Sue!" Jack said quickening his pace to catch up to her. "Where have you been? I've been worried." He said, suddenly realizing he'd said "I". "We've all been so worried. Are you alright?" He asked.

"I'm here, right?" She asked, trying not to actually answer the question.

"What's going on? Where have you been?" He persisted.

"I've had some appointments." She said. Jack looked at her for a better explanation. "I'll tell you about it, just not now, OK?" she asked. He nodded in agreement. "So, just happened to be in my neighborhood jogging?" She asked coyly.

"Nope. I was hoping you'd be walking Levi and I would bump into you. I told you, I've been worried." He said taking her hands in his. "Are you coming to the office today?" He asked.

"Yes. I will be there." Sue answered.

"Good. Then, I will see you there." Jack said finally releasing her hands. She watched until he was out of sight, and then called to Levi.

When Sue and Levi made it back to the apartment, Lucy was up and ready to go. They shared a cup of coffee together, and then headed to the office in one car.

"This probably wasn't a good idea- us taking one car." Sue said. Lucy looked at her curiously. "What if I get a call from Dr. Kerswell while I'm at work?" She asked.

"Then I'll take you. I'll be there when you get your diagnosis." Lucy reassured her. "Unless you've changed your mind." Lucy said, hoping she hadn't.

"No. I still want you to come." Sue said.

XXXXX

The morning flew by with Sue trying to offer answers that would satisfy the curiosity of the team and catch up on the latest cases. She checked her phone nearly every ½ hour. Jack noticed, but didn't bring it up. She and Lucy went out to the café near the office for lunch. When they got back to the office, it was nearly empty.

"Where is everyone?" Sue asked.

"Gathering infomation." D answered. "Sue, can I see you for a minute?" He asked. Sue looked nervous, but followed.

When they entered his office, he told her to shut the door and offered her a seat.

"Something wrong D?" Sue asked.

"Funny. I was about to ask you the same thing." He said.

"If this is about the last couple days… I-" she began.

"It is, but I don't need an explanation. But… you took a few days off in a row, calling out sick. The brass want a doctor's note." He said. Sue grimaced. "Now, if you'd like to break that up with a vacation day, they wouldn't really need a note." He suggested. "But, of course, I didn't just tell you that.' He said smiling.

"Thanks. Yeah, let's do that." Sue was quiet. "I-I'll tell you guys soon enough, it's just that it's personal, and I want to keep it to myself for a while…" She offered, knowing she's said too much.

"I hope it's good news?" D asked lightly, smiling softly at her.

"Me too." She said seriously.

Sue left his office, knowing that people would start asking questions because of all the missed time, and she would have to come up with a viable excuse for the missed time.

Lucy watched intensely as Sue returned to her desk. She was about to ask how it went when Jack and Bobby came back in the bull pen, discussing their latest case. Tara and Myles joined in the chatter shortly after.

It was nearly 3 when Levi nudged Sue's arm. She looked at her Black Berry, it was ringing. She opened it nervously. Her heart sank when she saw "DR KERSWELL" on the screen.

"Hello?" Sue said, trying to keep her voice neutral. Sue decided it would be best to take the call in the hall away from the noise and away from the prying ears. "Hi Dr. Kerswell. Did…" Sue stopped mid-sentence. "Umm, sure. When?" She paused, listening intently. "OK. I'll be there." She shut her phone and stared across the bull pen as she walked back through the door.

"**Dr**.?" Lucy asked. Sue nodded as discretely as she could. Lucy shrugged her shoulders asking what was said. Sue cringed when she noticed Jack watching her. She walked remarkable calmly back to her desk where she sent off an email to Lucy telling her about the appointment she had at 4, across town.

"I'm coming." Lucy wrote back.

"Sue? We need to go interview that witness, remember?" Lucy said, giving her a way out of the office.

"Oh, right. Come on Levi." Sue said as she got up and briskly walked out of the office to the elevator before anyone could question them. Lucy followed quickly.

"Are they working a case?" Jack asked out loud, but no one could answer that question.

Lucy raced to the driver's seat demanding Sue's keys. "Luce." Sue complained.

"Don't 'Luce' me. You're in no shape to drive. I'll drive you." Lucy insisted. Sue didn't put up much of a fight.

They drove in silence for nearly ten minutes. The late afternoon traffic was thick, making Sue more nervous. "It's not good that she wants to see me in person, is it?" Sue asked, the tears threatening again.

"Don't read anything into it Sue, most doctors don't want to talk about medical records over the phone- it's all about the HIPPA act." Lucy said trying to reassure her. They finally cut through the craziness of people trying to get out of the city for a weekend. Lucy pulled up in front of Dr. Kerswell's office. Both women were nervous of the outcome, scared about the next step. Lucy agreed with Sue's theory that it wasn't good the doctor wanted to talk to her in person, but didn't really want to admit that, to herself or Sue.

Sue was the last patient the doctor was going to see that day. She'd waited for Sue to arrive. Once Sue was there, the receptionist left. Her nurse was finishing up some files. Dr. Kerswell invited Sue into her office.

"Is it alright if Lucy joins us?" Sue asked.

"Of course. It's your call." She answered.

"Lucy Dotson, this is Marion Kerswell. Lucy's my best friend/roommate. I thought I could use some moral support…" Sue said trying to get a read on her doctor.

"Nice to meet you Lucy. Please have a seat." She began. Once Marion was sitting, she opened the file. Sue took a nervous breath, releasing it loudly. "Sue, the test showed that the mass is a small collection of cancerous cells. It's stage one, which is the least aggressive and least advanced. We caught it early, that's a good thing…" She began.

"Oh my God…" Sue whispered. Lucy's hand flew into Sue's lap taking her hand and holding it tight. Sue reached for a tissue, Lucy followed suit. Lucy wrapped her arm around Sue's shoulder. "I- I have cancer? I have breast cancer?" Sue asked, still in shock from the doctor's words.

"Yes. I'm sorry Sue, I was hoping it wasn't." Marion said.

"N-Now what?" Sue asked. "How do I get this out of me?" She asked.

"The next steps depend on you, and what you want." Dr. Kerswell answered. "I'm going to go over the options, but I want you to call me later, or tomorrow when your head is clear, and we can talk about them again. You're not going to comprehend them today. Lucy, I hope you're more able to grasp what I'm saying." The doctor began trying to explain. "Think of your choices as a report. The simple answers, then we break them down." She continued. "Stop me if you have any questions. First, you can either leave it alone, and do nothing, or you can fight this. If you do nothing, this will grow, and probably spread. You'll have a year, maybe a bit more. If you choose to fight, you have different choices. We can take the infected part of your breast and remove it. A lumpectomy. Or you can go the more radical route and have the entire breast removed. A mastectomy." The doctor said.

"What's the difference, other than more being removed?" Lucy asked.

"Good question. The lumpectomy will remove the tumor and surrounding tissue. While Sue is still unconscious, the tissue will be analyzed. As long as there are no cancerous cells surrounding the outer edges of the removed tissue, Sue will receive a combination of chemotherapy and radiation." She explained.

"What if there _are_ cancerous cells on the outer edges?" Lucy asked.

"Then we'll go back in and take more tissue, and repeat the process." The doctor answered. "If you opt for the mastectomy, the entire breast is removed, as well as any lymph nodes. In most cases there's no need for chemotherapy or radiation." She explained.

"Recover time?" Lucy asked. Sue stared at the two women, trying to comprehend what was being said. Lucy wasn't sure what Sue understood, so she asked a lot of questions.

"About the same for both surgeries. The major difference is the need for chemical treatment and the physical aspects of what's been taken. With the tissue removal, it's usually at least half the breast, and it will be disfigured. When the entire breast is removed, it's gone. It's shocking, and takes some getting used to." She said frankly.

Here are some information brochures. Take them, read them over and call me. I really want Sue to call me. I want to be sure she's getting this.

"When do we do this?" Sue asked.

"Soon. I would like to schedule the surgery for next week." Dr. Kerswell said.

"Next week?" Sue asked in shock. Lucy's mouth hung open, but she quickly closed it.

"I know, Sue. I know this is a lot to comprehend. I know it's hard to accept." Dr. Kerswell tried to comfort her. "I'll need a decision by Monday, so we can book the surgical team." She said. Sue stared at her, and then at Lucy, her eyes were glazed over. Both Lucy and the doctor understood Sue was in shock and probably denial. "Lucy, get her home. Try to get her to talk. See if you can get her to decide, sooner than later." Dr. Kerswell said.

Sue got up from her chair and walked out the door. Lucy hurried to catch up with her. Before she knew it, Sue had walked a block from the doctor's office. Tears began to fall. Sue's knees became weak and she collapsed on a bench. Lucy sat next to her, wrapping her tight in a hug, letting her cry. Sue sobbed uncontrollably into Lucy's shoulder for what seemed like hours. Lucy held onto her best friend as tight as she could. Sue's eyes finally started to dry. Her chest wasn't heaving as hard as it had been. She was able to see again, form thoughts and finally, words.

"How are you?" Lucy asked.

Sue couldn't answer the question, she didn't have an answer. She was angry, scared, feeling out of control all at once. She shrugged and whispered, "I don't know." Tears fell onto her reddened cheeks. "I'm scared Luce."

"I know. I am too. I'm here for you. Whatever you need. We'll all be here…" She reassured.

"I could die…" She said barely audible. "I could die from this." She said louder, angrier.

"You won't. I won't let you." Lucy said. "Who's going to throw my bridal shower? Who's going to babysit for me?" She said in a laugh, her tears finally finding their way from her eyes. Sue laughed, but then her face got sad again. "What is it?" Lucy asked.

"Those are things I will never have." Sue said.

"Sure you will…" Lucy began.

"How can you say that Luce?!" Sue asked angrily. "If I have the treatments they'll kill my chance to conceive a baby. If I have the radical surgery, no man will ever want to touch me… especially once he finds out there's nothing there _to_ touch!" Sue yelled.

"Sue, when you find that special someone, it won't matter. He won't care. Only you will matter." Lucy said, trying to reassure her.

"You don't know that!" She argued. "I will never have a child of my own. I'll never be touched wantonly by a man." Sue's words trailed off and the tears began to fall once more. "I'll never know what it feels like…" Sue said.

"Oh Sue." Was all Lucy could muster. She knew that Sue could be right. She also knew it was just her being afraid for her life that was causing her to talk and feel this way.

"I've never…" She hesitated. "I've never felt…" Sue said, stopping midsentence.

"What?" Lucy asked.

"I've never felt longing hands…" She said and the water fell again.

"You will…" Lucy said.

"Not if I decide to go with the radical solution I won't." Sue argued. She once again buried her head into Lucy's shoulder. Lucy took her phone and texted Jack.

"Can you meet us at Robetelli's on 5th.? Sue needs you." Was all she wrote. A minute later, Jack was in his car, headed to the little family restaurant near the doctor's office.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this story. I really appreciate hearing from you too! To Barbara, you should sign up so I can PM you! The hospitals and doctor's offices I have been to, they don't seem to be so strict with a dress code as far as color or design of scrubs. I just went to my doctor and she was wearing one with pretty flowers on it. I think it's a matter of taste. As for the speed of appointments, let's just call that creative licensing. I don't think they'd happen quite as fast as I have had them. I know when my doctor suspected something, it took a week to get the first mammogram, but after that, the second one was within a couple of days, the sonogram the same day as the second one. I'm trying to be true to the story line, characters, and human emotion, but at the same time, not drag it out.

XXXXX

Ten minutes passed and Sue was still sobbing onto her best friend's shoulder. Lucy was hurting too. The thought of her best friend having to go through something like this, and the possibility of losing her best friend scared her to death.

"Honey, you can't think like that. Those things will fall into place for you." Lucy said.

"Before Tuesday?" Sue spat back angrier than Lucy was sure she meant for her.

"It won't have to be before Tuesday." Lucy reassured her.

"It will if…" Sue began, but Lucy cut her off.

"You know, if this is a real issue, and you really want to experience all you say you do, there is another solution." Lucy said smiling coyly at her.

"What's that?" Sue asked.

"You could ask Jack." Lucy said straight forward and with no slyness in her voice to make Sue think she was kidding with her.

"Lucy!" Sue exclaimed.

"What?" Lucy asked. "You said, you want to experience the, and I quote 'longing hands' of a man. He's a man- a good looking one at that. You and he are friends, you can trust him. You and Jack care for each other, and if I had to guess, probably more than that. You could ask Jack…" Lucy began.

"Lucy! I couldn't ask Jack. Not for this." Sue said slightly uncomfortable.

"I'm sure he'd help…" Lucy said in a lightly teasing voice.

"Luce, I can't." Sue said very seriously. Lucy looked at her curiously. "My promise." Sue said simply.

"You promised not to have sex before you got married, right?" Lucy asked, Sue nodded her head, her cheeks filling with color. "You tell Jack what you want, and stop him when it gets to be more than you want. If you explain it to him…" Lucy explained in a very serious tone.

"Luce…" Sue began. "You know how I feel about him. I-I just couldn't." Sue whispered. Lucy smiled at her best friend's admission, it was a first. "If he did agree, how could I ever separate the two again?" She asked. Tears were on the edge of her lids when she noticed a familiar car pull up outside the restaurant. "Did you call Jack?" Sue asked.

"I texted him, yes. I thought you needed another friend to talk to. And before you say anything, it has nothing to do with what we were just talking about." Lucy said. She took her best friend's hands in hers, but it was again too late, the tears flowed.

"What did you tell him?" Sue asked. "I'm not sure I'm ready to talk to him- anyone- about this." She insisted.

"I told him you need a friend. And, you do." She said.

Jack walked to the front of the small family diner spotting his friends, only to find Sue with her back to him, and Lucy staring in his direction.

"Sue…talk to Jack." Lucy said as she stood up and walked away so Jack could take over.

"I'm going to be in my car. If you need anything, if she needs anything…" Lucy said as she walked away.

"Luce, what's going on?" Jack asked. She patted him on his upper arm. "Talk to her. She needs you right now Jack. I'll be here, but she needs you. Take her home with you…" She said as she continued walking.

"Hi." Jack said as he walked around to sit on the bench next to Sue. When he finally faced her, he could see her cheeks were tear soaked. "Sue? What is it?" He asked softly as he knelt at her side, his heart ached for her. She started to try to speak, but it all came out as blubbering mumbles. The tears began to flow harder. Jack did the only thing he could. He pulled her into his embrace, and held her tight against his chest. She sobbed.

Jack felt her regain her composure a little and backed away enough to again sit next to her facing her, holding her hands in his. His right hand went to her face, his thumb brushed away some of the tears that were still falling on her delicate skin. All the while, Jack unconsciously whispered to her. "Shhh… it's OK. It'll be OK." He said over and over again, as he had done while he held her.

"Come on." He said, putting his hand on her elbow, helping her to her feet nearly carrying Sue. He carefully placed her in his car, secured her then called Lucy.

"Where are you?" He asked.

"About a half a block down, across the street. Why?" Lucy asked.

"Go home. I'm taking Sue with me." He said.

"Call me if you need me." Lucy said, her voice breaking from the tears falling on her cheeks.

"I will." He said, closing his phone as he got in and drove Sue home.

Jack sat her on the couch and got two bottles of water and a box of tissues. Sue sat there quietly, trying to suffocate the sobs that were finally subsiding. Jack pulled a footstool up in front of Sue and sat. He opened a bottle and handed it to her. Gratefully, she took a sip. Jack brushed the hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. She took another sip of the cold water. It helped she thought.

"**Thank you**." Sue signed, still not sure of her voice. Jack smiled. The pair sat in silence for a long while. Sue's breathing finally became normal. The tears had dried, but she was still lost.

"Better?" He asked.

"Some." She shrugged. "I'm sorry Lucy called you." She said apologizing.

"I'm not." He said, flashing a bit of that dimpled smile. "You know, if you ever need me- I'm here." He said. She smiled appreciatively.

"I do know." She said softly looking down at her bottle of water. Jack stared at her, trying to make eye contact with her again.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on?" He asked, lifting her chin. She shook her head and put her head back down. "OK." He said as he rubbed her arm, shoulder to elbow, over and over. They sat with each other for what seemed like hours. Jack moved to the side of Sue on the couch, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, holding her tight. It was nearly eight before Jack's stomach growled loudly.

"**Hungry?"** He asked. Sue shrugged and finally nodded her head. "Pizza?" He asked. She nodded and smiled at him, finally making eye contact.

Jack grabbed his cell phone and dialed their favorite pizza place. His order of Pepperoni, mushroom pizza with a side of garlic cheese bread, and mozzarella sticks would be delivered within an hour. Jack jumped up and grabbed another bottle of water for her and a beer for himself. He took a step away from the fridge before thinking about it, and grabbing another beer. He popped the top on one, handing it to Sue.

"Why not." She said softly, taking the bottle and taking a sip. Jack watched as her nose scrunched up.

"I didn't realize you liked beer."He said, half mockingly.

"I don't." She said. "I just need a drink."

"Oh." Jack said. He reached for her bottle and took it from her. He replaced it with the water bottle. He lifted it to his lips and drank down a long swallow. Sue looked at him curiously. "When you _want _a drink, you let me know. I've always thought, if you need a drink, you probably shouldn't have one." He said, swallowing more of her beer.

"Then I guess I'm sticking to water." She said smiling.

"So, what do you want to do? Movie? We can find something good to read… the deaf club across town you've gone to before?" He suggested. She shook her head.

"Do you mind? I really don't want to go anywhere… or really do anything." She answered with a melancholy look on her face.

"Not at all." He answered. "Eat, that's what I really want to do!" He said laughing. There was silence for a long moment between them. His mouth opened to ask a question when the door bell rang. "Pizza." He said and walked to the door.

The pair sat eating in near silence. Sue noticed Jack's coffee table, and saw there were two tickets to the game which was about to start.

"Jack? Why aren't you at the game?" She asked.

"They're for tomorrow, and Crash is coming by to grab them in the morning." He answered.

"No. You should go, you've been looking forward to it." She argued.

"There will always be basketball Sue. You need me right now and I need to be here for you." He answered. "How's the pizza?" He asked.

"Yummy, as always." She answered.

"Good." He said, again they sat in silence. Jack stared at her, trying to encourage a few words out of her. "Would you like a soda or something?" He offered.

"No, thanks. With all the crying I've been doing, I think I need to replenish the supply." She joked. Again, there was an uncomfortable silence. Sue played with a bread stick, and finally whispered.

"I have cancer Jack." She said in soft, matter of fact words that stopped Jack, literally in his tracks. He managed to stop his jaw from dropping, but not his eyes from becoming wide. They lifted to meet hers. With obvious effort, he closed his mouth, and blinked his eyes. A lump formed in his throat which he forced down with a hard swallow. Jack noticed his mouth had gone dry, and when he tried to speak, his voice cracked.

"C-cancer?" He asked.

Sue nodded. "Uh- umm."

He swallowed hard once more, trying to keep his own emotions in check. Too many thoughts were racing through his mind to form a full sentence. "Uh- how, how are you?" He asked stumbling over his words.

"Emotionally, a wreck. Physically… it could be worse." She said softly. Jack stared at her listening as intently as he could. "I'm supposed to call the doctor back tonight because she doesn't think I comprehended what she was saying today. I did though. Every word." Sue said.

"Why don't you call her? At least let her know that you understood everything. And, who knows, you might think of something you need to ask her." Jack said, trying to be supportive.

"I should." Sue said softly. She took a gulp of her water. Sue reached into her purse and pulled out her Black Berry. Three missed calls flashed across her screen. She quickly glanced, her mom "just checking in", Lucy "Seeing how she was doing" and Dr. Kerswell. She quickly hit the call back option for Dr. Kerswell.

"Hi Dr. Kerswell, it's Sue Thomas…" Sue began. Their conversation was nearly a half hour, the whole while Jack sat next to her, holding her hand. The test results were in, and positive. The cancer seemed to be only in the breast, and her blood counts were normal. These were good signs. Sue suddenly felt a surge of energy and had to pace. She had taken in what the doctor had said to her earlier in the day, but as Jack had suspected, had some questions for her.

In the mean time Jack texted Lucy:

"_Sue has cancer and you didn't think you should tell me that?!" _Jack wrote.

"_She wasn't ready for you to know, it had to be on her terms." _Lucy answered_. _She felt bad for not telling Jack the truth, but it was more important to keep Sue's secret. _ "How is she?"_

"_Holding her own. TTYL she's on the phone with the doctor now." _Jack answered and slammed his phone shut.

When Sue finally hung up the phone, she was visibly tired. The stress was taking its toll. Jack was still sitting next to her, trying to be supportive. He turned toward her, putting her hands in his. "You OK?" He asked.

"Yeah." She said, taking a deep cleansing breath. "I guess now that my self-pity party is done, I have to really start thinking about what I'm going to do about this." She said matter-of-factly.

"Sue, you have every right to feel the way you do about this. It's a shock. You're scared." He said.

"Yeah, that's for sure." Sue admitted. "You OK?" She asked.

"Me? Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." He said. She looked at him as if to say that wasn't her question. "I'm scared." He admitted and paused. "But I'm not going anywhere." He said smiling at her. He took a deep cleansing breath. "So, do you want to talk it through?" He asked.

"She needs an answer by Monday. She wants to do the surgery on Wednesday." Sue said.

"Wednesday? That's kinda quick isn't it?" He asked, trying to be cautious about being too nervous.

"She said the earlier the better. I can just ignore it, but it will progress and kill me eventually." Jack shook his head. "I can have a lumpectomy and they'll take the tumor out and then Chemo and radiation treatments follow." Again shook his head, cringing at that possibility. "Or I can have a mastectomy where they take the entire breast, and there's no chemical treatment required." She said finally. Jack raised an eye brow at that possibility.

"Are you leaning toward one more than the other?" He asked cautiously.

"Well, obviously, doing nothing is out of the question." Sue said.

"Obviously." Jack agreed.

"With the lump removal, I keep my breast, but have to endure chemo and radiation." She said.

"Which will do what?" Jack asked.

"Lots of possibilities. Hair loss, vomiting, infertility are just some. I have to read over the pamphlets…" She said in a whisper. Jack could feel her hands begin to shake while in his.

"What about the mastectomy?" Jack asked.

"They take everything off. My lymph nodes need to be tested, so the doctor will take them too. At some point I can decide to have an implant or I can use a prosthesis." She giggled.

"What's so funny?" He asked.

"I just never pictured me having breast implants. I always figured be grateful for what God gives you." She said with another giggle. Jack knew it was just her nerves. He laughed along with her for a minute. "They can use fatty tissue from your body to rebuild the breast, but they have to stretch my skin to do that. That just sounds painful." She said.

"If I have the partial, I get to keep my breast, but it will be disfigured, and I have to deal with the side effects of the treatment. My hair will grow back, but I may never be able to have a baby because of it…" Her voice drifted off. "It's kind of ironic." She said.

"What is?" Jack asked, watching her intently.

"If I go with the partial, I could end up not being able to have children. If I go with the whole thing, I'll still be able to have kids, but won't attract someone to have them with!" She said, laughing loudly.

"What makes you say that?" Jack asked.

"Men want a woman with a certain type of body- and I won't have that." She replied with a depressed sound to her voice.

"Then you're attracting the wrong kind of man." Jack said seriously. Sue looked at him curiously. "Sue any man worth his salt wants to be with you for you. Who you are inside. You're being beautiful doesn't hurt, but it's not who you are." Jack said, suddenly aware of what he'd said. "This cancer is a part of you- it's not who you are. Don't let it define you, don't let it destroy you." Jack said.

"Thanks." Sue said, blushing from his compliment. She was quiet for a long moment. "If I was your wi- your sister, what would you tell me to do?" She asked him.

"I can't tell you what to do Sue. This has to be your decision." He paused as she began to tear up once more. "And, you're not my sister. But… if you were my wife, I would tell you to have the radical surgery. To me, it seems like the better choice. You don't have to go through the chemical side effects, and you can still have kids." He said. Sue's face was deep crimson and again, tears had spilled over her eye lids.

"Thanks." She said, leaning into to his embrace. Jack held her for a long time until he realized she was totally relaxed against him, and he could hear baby snores coming from his shoulder. He couldn't help himself as he leaned in and placed a soft caress on the top of her head. Jack slowly lifted her from the couch, and carried her to his bed. He gently laid her on the blanket and smiled down on her. His mind drifted as he took her shoes off, unbuttoned her pants and pulled her shirt from the pants. His sole thought was how he'd dreamt of carrying her to his bed so many times, but the night always ended with him making passionate love to her, not pulling the blanket from the side of the bed over to cover her. Alas, that fantasy was for another place and time. Right now, she needed his support.

Jack turned on a small table lamp so Sue could see if she woke in the night, and then took the pillow from the top of the bed, and walked out to the couch, put the pillow on the arm, and lay his head on it. After what seemed like hours, he drifted off.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I don't own any part of STFBE, only this story. This was a difficult chapter to write. I'm still not sure I got it right. To everyone who took the time to read and review, thank you! Please keep reading and telling me what you think.

*****WARNING! THIS CHAPTER IS NOT MEANT FOR IMMATURE READERS*****

Sue woke to sun streaking in through the open blinds. She blinked her eyes, looking around. She didn't recognize where she was. She turned to see the clock read 5:15. Sue forced herself up, still trying to focus on her surroundings. She pulled the blanket over her trying to chase the chill on her arms away. It was then, she smelled him. Jack. It all came rushing back to her. She was with Jack. In his bed? But, where was he? Her head still foggy, she didn't remember them coming into the bedroom together. Had they? She thought hard, and remembered leaning against him while sitting on the couch.

Carefully, quietly, she walked into the living room to find Jack sprawled out on the couch. He was resting peacefully. She stood and watched him as his chest went up and down in perfect time. She longed to be able to touch him, hold him… kiss him. Sue shook her head, shaking herself away from that line of thought.

Jack began to move restlessly in his sleep, tossing, rolling onto his side. As his brain began to become conscious, his nose scrunched, sniffing the air. The deeper he sniffed, the more awake he became. His eyes fluttered open. He opened his eyes and sat up. His stomach growled.

"Morning." He said in the general direction of the kitchen, rubbing his face.

"Good morning. It's about time you woke up." Sue teased.

"What time is it?" He asked.

"Hmm, let's just say it's not quite seven yet." She laughed. "I'm sorry if I woke you. I was hungry." She said.

"I see. What are we having?" He asked, hopefully.

"Pancakes and coffee." She said handing him a dish and a mug. He gratefully accepted both, taking a sip of the coffee. "You don't have much in the way of food."

"Bachelorhood. A box of cereal, some microwave pizza, and some package soup and I can eat for a week!" He laughed. "Did you sleep OK?" He asked.

"Yeah, thanks. I don't remember going in there…" She said, fishing for more information.

"You fell asleep on the couch. I carried you." He explained.

"Sorry. Thank you though." She said smiling. "You could have left me there." Sue offered

"Now, what kind of gentleman would I be if I did that- or friend for that matter?" Jack answered.

"What's on tap for today?" Jack asked.

"Do you have plans?" Sue asked hopefully. Jack shook his head.

"Nope. Spending time with you." He said. "Do you have to call the doctor or anything?"

"Not unless I need something. She's off, but said she'll call me back." Sue said.

"How about a picnic then?" He asked. "I can run to the store grab stuff for sandwiches, some fruit… what do you say?" He asked.

"A picnic?" She asked. "I don't know."

"Sure, why not?" He said smiling. "It'll take your mind off everything, at least for a little bit." He offered. It'll do you some good to get out and get some fresh air."

"Why not!" She said.

XXXXX

The morning flew by as they prepared for their afternoon together. Jack had picked up some deli sandwiches, some chips and dip, as well as some strawberries and apple slices with chocolate and caramel for dipping.

The pair headed out toward Sue's apartment to gather up Levi when she got a text from Lucy saying she had taken Levi with her to see her mom for the day. They would be home the next day. Sue texted her back thanking her, and telling her she was doing OK.

"Ask Jack." Was the last thing she wrote. Sue blushed at the thought Lucy had suggested.

Jack pulled into the parking area of the picnic grounds. He opened the door for Sue and gathered the items for the day. They found a spot under an oak tree near the frog pond. The peep toads were chirping and some ducks had found their way to the shore. Jack spread the blanket and the couple sat, talking, snacking and enjoying the day.

"This is nice. Thank you." Sue said smiling shyly at him.

"You're welcome." Jack said.

"You were right, this is exactly what I needed. A nice relaxing day." She said gratefully.

"I'm glad I could help." Jack said. He noticed off in the distance the clouds were becoming dark. "I think we should call it an afternoon though. Those clouds don't look too friendly." He said. The two packed up and walked toward the car. Just as they broke the edge of the woods, there was a crack of thunder. Jack grabbed Sue's hand and pulled her along to the far side of the parking lot, as fast as they could run. Jack couldn't get the doors open fast enough before it began to pour on top of them.

Jack got Sue tucked in and ran around to the driver's side of the car. In that short amount of time, he was soaked. Sue couldn't help but laugh. Water fell from his nose and even eye lashes. She grabbed a few napkins and tried to help by wiping his face, but it didn't really help. The two laughed. Jack's laughter subsided, but Jack being a shaggy wet dog had hit Sue's funny bone.

"Oh. What are you still laughing at?" Jack asked Sue. She tried to stifle the laughter but it just bellowed. "Think that's funny, do you?" He asked as he shook like a dog drying himself. He flooded the front of the car with water droplets. Sue squealed and looked at him shocked. Both laughed hard.

As the laughter subsided Jack was caught in Sue's stare. He reached toward her face, wiping some of the sprayed drops from his shaking, off her cheek. Jack was instantly drawn to her. Her hair was wet and flat, falling in her face. Her makeup streaking from all the rain. The urge to kiss her was nearly over powering. As he began to lean in, there was another crack and it was enough to snap him out of following through with his want to kiss her.

"That was a good one!" Jack said looking up at the sky.

"Maybe we should get out of here…" Sue suggested. Jack agreed.

By the time they arrived at his place, the rain was letting up some, but the sky was still black. They ran into the house and both changed into dry clothes.

Jack walked from the bathroom wearing only shorts, buffing his hair out with a towel. Sue couldn't take her eyes from his chiseled chest and abs.

"Good storm." Jack said. Sue agreed. Water droplets fell onto Sue's face, her hair still dripping wet.

"I think I'll do that too." She said as she jumped from the couch for the linen closet. Jack turned on the TV and got them both a bottle of water. He noticed Sue's phone vibrating on the coffee table. He turned it over to see if it was important.

Lucy. "Did you ask Jack yet?" it said. Jack looked at it curiously.

"Hey. Lucy just called." He said cautiously as Sue reentered the room.

"Thanks." Sue answered as she continued to dry her hair.

"So… I couldn't help but notice Lucy's message… What are you supposed to ask me?" He asked.

Sue looked up shocked by the question; she stopped fluffing her hair out. Her cheeks filled with a deep pink color.

"Uhh… it's nothing." She answered.

"But, what is it?" He asked.

"Don't worry about it." Sue insisted.

"Sue." Jack said, making his silent demand. Sue took a deep breath, letting it out in a huff. "Whatever you need…" He added.

"Can you just let it go please?" Sue begged. Jack smiled a bit and arched one eye brow.

"Come on, you've got my curiosity up." He said, turning on the charm.

"You know what curiosity did for the cat, right?" She teased.

"Lucky for me then I'm not a cat!" He teased back. She didn't budge. He waited for another minute, then asked again. "Sue, really, whatever you need, or want to ask, just ask." Jack said sincerely. Sue was quiet for a long moment. She put her head down, playing with her fingers. Jack stared at her intently. She could feel his eyes boring through her, but she held her lips together as tight as she could get them, determined not to tell him.

Jack finally let up on his gaze and began to watch the game on TV. He seemed to be getting into it.

"Isn't this the game you were supposed to be going to with Bobby?" She asked.

"Yeah. Well..." He began.

"I knew it!" Sue blurted out, interrupting him.

"I _was_ going to go to the game with Bobby, but you're more important. I'm glad I'm here, with you." He paused. "Besides, you're prettier to look at than his mug." Jack flirted.

"How did he get the tickets?" Sue asked. "I didn't see him come over."

"He didn't. I dropped them when I went for the picnic stuff." Jack answered. "I didn't think you wanted company yet."

"You're right. What did you tell him?" Sue asked.

"The truth. I told him that I got a better offer, I was spending time with you." He said smiling.

"Oh." Sue blushed. "Thank you for not telling him. I'll talk to everyone, just not yet." She explained.

Jack watched her intently from the corner of his eye while she watched the game. Sue glanced in his direction and caught him. Again, Jack felt the want to kiss her. He moved a bit closer to her.

"So, are you going to tell me what Lucy meant? What do you need to ask me?" He asked.

"Uhhh… yesterday, before you came… I was really feeling sorry for myself." She said, hesitating. "I was telling Lucy that there are going to be things I will never experience." She explained. "That's all" She lied. Jack knew there was more to the story.

"OK…. But what were you going to _ask_ me?" he asked. Sue didn't answer. "OK then… What sort of things do you think you're never going to experience? Jack asked.

"Jack…" Sue began, whispering softly in protest.

"Tell me." He said.

"Must you know everything?" She argued.

"Yes." He insisted. "Now, come on, what's going on?"

"You're going to think I'm being silly." She insisted.

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that." He said. "Sue.." She let out a sigh and bit her bottom lip.

"A long time ago, when I was a teenager, I made a promise…" She started. Her cheeks were hot with color.

"Yeah, I know about the promise." He said casually, trying to make her feel comfortable talking about it.

"I've always done things to, steer away from getting in a situation where I might be tempted to break the promise." Sue said, straining to get the words out.

"Yeah?" Jack said, not fully sure of what she was asking.

"I, uhh… well, I- I ummm, never…." She stumbled over the words. She took a deep breath and let it out in a harsh huff. "Ugh! If I lose my breast, it will go away never having known the…" She stopped. "What it feels like..." Her cheeks burned with embarrassment. Her heart raced, afraid to actually say the words aloud.

"Oh." Jack said as he suddenly putting two and two together.

"I- I was just feeling sorry for myself and the situation, that's all." Sue reassured him.

"What were you going to ask me?" Jack asked, nearly desperate for the words.

"Nothing, never mind." Sue insisted.

"No." He said, trying to convince her to continue.

"Jack" Sue nearly begged.

"Sue, come on, talk to me." Jack said.

"I told Lucy that if I was going to be without one, I would like to know what it's like…" Sue said, hesitating.

"What, what was like?" Jack pushed.

"Jack…please don't make me say it." Sue protested. She looked down and raced through the answer. "the touch of a man." She said barely audible.

"Uh-huh…" Jack led. Then the meaning hit him. "Oh!" Jack exclaimed. "And you want me…"

"Forget about it. Jack, just forget it." Sue insisted. There was silence between them.

"Don't worry about it, like I said…" She began but the tears interrupted her thought.

"Please don't cry." Jack said, taking her in his arms and holding her tightly.

"I'm sorry. This week has just been so emotional for me, I just think I'm overwhelmed and worn out." Sue said, taking a deep breath and letting out a ragged sigh.

"Don't you think it would complicate things?" Jack asked, trying to comprehend everything.

"Yeah, it would do that." Sue agreed softly, choking back tears. "I couldn't stand it if I lost you." She said. Her smile tender and genuine. "That's part of the reason I wasn't going to ask." She said softly.

"That would never happen." Jack reassured her. "You're too special to me." His eyes softened. He brushed her cheek softly, pushing a nonexistent hair from her face.

He was drawn to her, he fought the attraction, but his desire pressed him forward. By the time he realized he was about to cross the line with his best friend, it was too late to avoid it. His brain was franticly trying to find a solution. He moved just to his right and kissed her tenderly on the cheek. He let out a deep sigh as his lips caressed her. Sue felt the heat from his breath and backed away just enough to read him. His eyes full of desire, his chest rising and falling at a faster pace. His lips mere inches from hers. She wanted him. She wanted to feel his lips on hers once more. She wanted to feel him touch her, and hold her. The temptation was so great. She wanted to feel.

Jack stared down at Sue, his gaze frozen on hers. His desire to touch her was enormous. His lips to hers, would be a sweet connection. She was there; hesitation had sealed her in the moment as well. Sue was only inches from him, but he couldn't take advantage of her. He respected her too much, loved her too much. He pulled away enough to relieve the tension between them. He stared deep into her eyes.

"It would feel like I was taking advantage of the situation and our friendship." He said.

"It's OK Jack." Sue told him.

"It's OK that I would be taking advantage of our friendship or that you think I might say no?" Jack asked teasingly.

"Both I guess." Sue said laughing. "I am the one who's propositioning you." Sue said, blushing. "But, it's ok too if you don't want to do this. I understand." She said.

"I don't want to take the chance we're going to jeopardize something here. You're too important to me to lose." Jack admitted.

Sue looked down at her hands, then looked him in the eye. She took a deep breath.

Jack blew out a shaky breath, still unsure of his answer.

"Sue…" He paused, "How do we do this? How do I do this? I can't shall we say, touch and run." He explained. "Can you pretend this is the same as having coffee together?"

"I don't know. Can you?" She asked softly.

"Honestly, I don't know." He paused for a long moment. "And what about your promise?" Jack asked.

"I wouldn't actually be breaking the promise…" She whispered. She turned away from him, embarrassed. "I know it's splitting hairs, but technically..." She began.

"I can't pretend it wouldn't mean anything… I'm not that kind of guy." Jack explained. "I mean, it would mean something- at least to me."

"It would to me too. I can't say it won't be awkward between us, after... but I honestly don't think it will ruin our friendship. I think our bond's stronger than that." She paused. "But if you do... then forget about it, this isn't more important than our friendship." She said.

Sue looked at him, deep in the eyes. She could see a lot more than he'd intended. The passion she'd seen earlier was creeping back in.

"Ask me Sue." Jack said softly. He inched closer to her and lifted her chin. "Ya have to ask… I want to be sure of what you want." Jack said. He moved even closer to her, taking her hands in his, pulling them into his. "I need to be sure."

"I just want to know what it's like, what it feels like to be wanted… one time before..." Sue finally said softly. "If I don't make it…" Sue said.

"You're going to make it through the surgery. You're going to be fine." Jack said reassuring her.

"Maybe, but I'll still be missing my breast… or at the very least have this ugly floppy thing there." She said to him, softly, her voice cracking.

Jack blew out a breath, a nervous breath. He walked around the living room, wiping his hands on his shorts. His palms were sweaty.

"Sue, just because you're losing a breast doesn't make you any less a woman. You understand that, right? You know that don't you?" Jack asked. "Any man should be honored to have you as his girlfriend. This man would. Jack quickly realized what he'd admitted to, and looked up quickly at Sue. She was still staring at the floor and wasn't making eye contact with him anymore, but he wasn't sure what she's just read.

"Never mind Jack. It's ok." Sue said. The tears spilling onto her cheeks. Jack sat back next to her on the couch.

"You're a beautiful, desirable woman. You're smart, you're funny… You're the sweetest being I've ever met." Jack said softly. "You need to believe that. You need to understand that _that _is what makes you _you._" Sue blushed and smiled shyly at him.

"Sue, I want you to understand a couple things. I don't cross certain lines unless I'm serious about a woman. I don't sleep around. I know you don't believe that, but it's true." He took another breath. "That being said… I'll do this for you." He said softly. Sue's cheeks blushed darker, if that was possible. "But… I can't just reach out and touch… it doesn't feel right, I mean…" He stumbled over his choice of words. "Grr.. I mean…" He began. "You're not a one night stand, I care about you." He said. He paused, looking deep into her eyes. "You have to know how much you mean to me." He asked. "I don't want this to be something you regret…" Jack said, finally looking into her eyes.

"I do know how much you care about me. I feel the same way…" She said softly. The tension between them was thick.

"Sue, we can wait if you want to. You're going to make it through the surgery just fine, and be cancer free after that, with lots of time to experience these things. You will still have another breast…" He said.

"If you don't want…" Sue began.

"I'm not saying that. I want you to know there are other options. I don't want you to regret this, and end up resenting me for going through with it." He said honestly. "This isn't something you have to do today." He paused again. "A year from now, I don't want you wishing you hadn't gone through this with me, or thinking I used you." He said.

"Jack, this is my idea..." Sue began to protest. "You can't 'use me' if I'm suggesting it."

"Listen, men are a different creature." He began, shaking his head slightly and smiling slyly. "_I_ know we're all dogs, but I don't want _you_ thinking we're all dogs. Look, I'm a guy… you're asking me if I want to…. experience this with you… that's like asking a lawyer if he should go to court with you. We're all going to say yes." He said with a chuckle. We're not likely to pass up the opportunity. We're guys, we like breasts." He joked. Sue laughed too.

"So, you're a boob man?" She asked, turning a deeper shade of pink.

"Not exactly." He answered. She arched an eyebrow in his direction. "Don't get me wrong, I like them, but…" He continued.

"Really?" She teased.

"Legs..." He said honestly, his cheeks heating up from their conversation.

"I see." Sue answered, relaxing some with their playful banter. Sue laughed in spite of herself. "I won't resent you Jack." Sue said reassuring him.

"I'd do anything for you, but I would hate myself if I lost us by crossing this line." Jack said softly, avoiding eye contact.

"I see the way you look at me sometimes." Sue said shyly. "I'm not real experienced, but I see that look in your eyes." Sue said softly. Her glare drew Jacks eyes up to hers.

"What look?" He asked.

"That one." Sue replied. "The look that says if I was anyone else..." She answered. Jack looked down guilty and busted.

"There are lines you just don't cross with your best friend." Jack responded. "No matter how much you want to." Jack continued, looking as guilty as a man could.

"But you're willing to cross it now?" Sue asked.

"Uh huh." Jack began "Because you asked me to, you need me to." He answered.

"All that for me?" She asked a slight teasing in her voice.

"Yes." He answered.

"And, you're not going to take any pleasure in it at all?" Sue teased.

"I never said _that_." Jack teased back. The pair was quiet for a long minute. Finally Jack looked up at her and took her hands in his.

"OK then. If you're sure this is what you want…" He said. "Let's have a nice stay in dinner tonight." He suggested.

"What do you have good?" Sue asked.

"Nothing, remember? I'm going to call and have it delivered." Jack said laughing.

"Since the storm's passed I'm going to shower then." Sue said. Jack smiled. "Jack? Umm, I would like to keep that promise…" Sue said nervously.

"Of course." Jack said. Sue turned to head for the shower.

Jack called a restaurant up the street from his place that delivered and ordered their dinner. After Sue's shower Jack did the same. Sue walked out of the bedroom wearing shorts and a button down blouse that matched the shorts. Jack had jeans and a t-shirt pulled tight over his muscles. The two ate quietly, not really finding anything to talk about. This pair of friends was too nervous about the evening ahead of them.

Jack cleared away the dishes and put in a movie for them to watch. Jack suddenly found himself feeling like a teenage boy trying to get to first base with his steady girlfriend, wondering what she'd let him get away with. Jack's arm went around Sue's shoulder; his other hand took hers in his. Jack turned his body toward her. Sue looked at him nervously.

Jack smiled shyly, there was a sparkle in his eyes. His smile grew, his eyes closed and he shook his head softly. His thumb rubbed over her hand softly, lightly squeezing her hand as it did. With is other hand, he brushed a stray hair from her face, letting his fingertips trace her jaw then down to the edges of some stray locks that had fallen from her shoulder. His hand reached forward, toward her blouse touching the collar tentatively, but he stopped, pulling his hand back.

"If this can't happen, Jack, it's ok." Sue reassured him. Her smile was soft and honest; she realized how difficult this would be for him.

"It's not that. It feels a little bit like I'm groping at you." He said honestly. "I want this to be something you'll feel good about in a month." Jack chuckled "I am too old to be feeling like this teenage boy trying to get lucky." He smiled fondly at her. "Sue, it's important to me that this be special for you. I want it to be softer, sweeter, more romantic… more like I'm making love to you." He said, blushing deep shades of red. Sue felt the same shyness, causing her cheeks to burn red too.

"Well, that certainly sounds a lot better than the first option." She admitted.

Jack pushed himself off the couch and put out his hand for Sue to take. "Come on.' He said. "Trust me." He said softly.

He slowly led her to his bedroom. He turned the handle to the door and led her inside. Sue hesitated, nervous about crossing the threshold with him. "Trust me. You'll keep your promise, I assure you of that." Jack offered. Sue took his hand and followed him into his room. He lit some small candles around the room, and then shut the lights off. He leaned over to the small night light near his bed and flicked it on.

"So we can see each other's lips." Jack explained.

Sue stood at the foot of the bed, her heart beating wildly. He rejoined her, taking her hand in his leading her to the edge of the bed. They both sat as his hand caressed her cheek, trailing his index finger along her jaw line. Jack slowly leaned forward and kissed her gently. The move was unexpected, and Sue pulled back a bit. Jack slowed his progress and leaned to her lips again, their lips barely touching as he placed light caresses on her lips.

"I've been dying to do that all day." He admitted and leaned toward her once more. Sue smiled acknowledging that she'd picked up on that fact.

When their lips came together, it created a spark too big for either of them to ignore. Jack pressed forward, capturing her lips again and again. Sue's hands rested on his chest, and then slowly her hands found the nape of his neck. Her fingers ran through the hair that sat there just above his collar. Jack slowed their kiss, pulling back a little bit.

Jack sat first. Sue watched him intently. He offered her his hand. Slowly she reached for it, placing her hand in his, sitting next to him. Jack brushed the hair from her face, stroked her cheek with the back of his hand and smiled the sexiest smile she'd ever seen. Jack leaned forward enough for their lips to brush against one another's. His action, movements were slow and thoughtful. Jack gently pushed forward, effectively deepening the kiss. He slowly laid her down on the mattress, kissing her passionately. Their lust for one another was surfacing. Jack's need for air over ruled his want to stay on her lips. He trailed kisses along her jaw down to the top of her chest. His hand slid across her stomach, and pushed forward up toward her breast. She gasped at their first contact, but she didn't pull away. He rested his hand on her ribs then began to rub from one side to the other lightly, causing her to flinch as he tickled her. Both laughed. Jack's left hand brushed up her arm, taking her hand in his, entwining his fingers with hers. He relieved his assault on her lips long enough to bring her hand to his lips and caress them. It wasn't long before he released her hand and brought his hand back to her flat mid-section on the outside of her blouse. Jack flattened his palm, and pressed it against the base of her soft mound. He could feel Sue's heart racing wildly beneath his hand. He gently squeezed and moved his hand around over her. She sighed nervously. He slowly unbuttoned the blouse, trailing kisses where his fingers had just been, exposing porcelain skin. Jack's movements were slow and calculated.

Jack propped himself up on his elbow and traced her facial features. She smiled shyly. He smiled down on her, placing light caresses along her lips, cheek and ear and back to her lips. His hand slipped to where the material had been. He opened the palm of his hand and gently ran his rough hand across her stomach. His fingers crept up her arm to the strap of her bra, moving it to an inch or so toward her shoulder. His left hand brushed lightly against the silky material of her bra. He let his fingers roll across the top, just enough to catch her attention. Sue was staring deep into his eyes. Jack smiled and kissed her lightly. Through the silky material, he could feel her arousal. Sue sighed with delight in how he was making her feel. Jack massaged softly and buried his face between her breasts caressing her cleavage.

"Oh... J A C K" Sue said in a low voice, Jack made his way back to her mouth. He covered it with his and kissed her with every bit of passion he'd allowed to build within him for her. He slowly pushed the blouse from her shoulders, allowing Sue's arms to find their way out.

Jack wrapped his arm around Sue's back, and with one swift move, he was able to unhook the brazier. He slowly hooked his thumbs around the straps to her bra, and pulled it away. As the material came forward, he took it in his teeth and pulled it the rest of the way off, and tossed it on the floor.

Sue giggled in spite of herself. She was happy. For the first time in nearly a week, she wasn't thinking about the deadly disease that loomed so close.

Jack never took his eyes off hers. He smiled down on her, kissing her gently. The kiss turned more passionate, more desperate. Jack pressed forward, swiping his tongue along her lips. She was hesitant in responding. She opened her mouth slowly, a little at a time, allowing him in. Their tongues met and danced around one another getting acquainted. Their kissing was stirring long bottled up passion they held for each other. Sue's stomach felt like it was full of butterflies. Jack's excitement was becoming noticeable and he began to strain on the inside of his shorts.

Jack rolled more toward Sue, putting some of his weight on her. He placed his leg between hers, locking them together. His reaction to their play was becoming obvious to Sue.

Jack's hand traveled to the soft tissue, gripping it. He massaged slowly. His fingers grazed over the top making her gasp. His touch was light and teasing. He relieved his attack on her lips and propped himself up again and watched her reaction to his touch. He moved in near stealth mode. His palm barely grazing the tender skin. The heat from his hand made goose bumps appear on her body, making her shiver. Jack smiled down at Sue. He wished this was real, that they were really progressing their relationship.

Sue, as if knowing his thoughts, reached her hand to his face, and brought him back to hers. Their lips joined again, igniting their passion once more. Jack pressed his tongue into Sue's mouth, exploring her, their tongues dancing happily together. The hotter the kiss became, the deeper it became, and the more Jack reacted to it. His hand ventured the entire length of her torso, touching every inch. His hand found her mound complete with a hardened rosy top. He tried to corral his desire and pace himself. He wanted this experience to be special, to be something for her to remember forever.

Sue finally broke their kiss as Jack unleashed his burning passion. His head bent to lay a trail of lustful caresses along her skin. He started by placing a light kiss on her lips, then to her jaw, and down her neck. He stopped at the base of her neck, in that place where her shoulder meets the base of her neck. He flicked his tongue in the deep crevice and trailed a path along her collar bone. He placed light kisses on her shoulder and back across the top of her chest.

His hand slid along the length of her leg, brushing lightly against her backside, as he hovered over her, letting some of his weight settle on her body. Sue's hands rested on the sides of his head, down to his shoulders then to his upper arms. Jack traveled lower on her body, is lips seeking the tips of her full, perky mounds. Sue drew in a deep sharp breath from the sensation Jack was causing deep in her core from the attention he was lavishing on her. His caresses became kisses and drew her in, making her pull him tighter to her. Jack shared his attention to both side, but focused his efforts on the problem side. Jack went further down her stomach, caressing and kissing every square inch of her upper body. The closer he got to the waist band of her shorts, the more nervous she became.

Jack could sense the tension in her, and knew he was too close to crossing the line. He would never cross the line with her unless she was ready, Jack was pretty sure she knew that, but he wanted her mind on what he was doing, rather than thinking what he _might_ do. He casually dragged himself back up her body. Sue gasped as his tongue teased her. She groaned desperately, trying to control the spinning in her head she felt. She could smell Jack, his cologne, his shampoo- him. He was hard to resist. She found herself rethinking her promise. She could feel her body reacting to Jack, to his kisses and his touching. She wanted him. She needed him. He had a way of making her feel that all at once.

Jack gathered her in his arms, and rolled them over so Sue was laying on top of him. His lips didn't leave hers, they pursued her mouth more, turning the heat up another notch. Jack's hands traveled to her buttocks and pressed over them until they reached her thighs. His hands wrapped around both of her thighs and pulled her legs forward, successfully forcing her to sit on him. Sue could feel his arousal, and it made her visibly nervous.

"Jack.." She began. Jack gently pressed his finger to her lips. He moved his hands to her breasts, torturing her to new heights of lust. He sat up and pulled her to him once more, caressing her chest, neck, jaw line and finally to her mouth. Jack swooped and rolled them back over so he was on top once more.

Jack lavished her torso with loving caresses, drawing her in and bringing her to her peak. She seemed nervous, afraid of the outcome of this new experience. She was too nervous to allow herself to enjoy it fully.

"You OK?" Jack asked, sensing the nervousness. She nodded. Her head barely stopped moving when he captured her lips once more heightening their lust and passion for one another. Their tongues danced in unison, successfully pushing them toward the abyss. Sue's hands traveled the length of Jack's chest. She began to play, when he took both of her arms and held them above her head. "No. This is about you." He said smiling and planting lustful kisses on her again.

"But... you're... reacting too..." She hesitated.

"I can't help how my body is reacting to our playing Sue." Jack admitted.

"I know..." She said softly.

"Tonight is about you." Jack said smiling a sexy smile at her.

His head dropped as he spotted the object of his next attack. His hand, fingers and tongue working in unison. They worked together like a well-coached team. Sue could feel her passion rise in the pit of her stomach once again. Her breathing became labored.

Jack smiled. "Enjoy it Sue… let it go." He whispered. His eyes never left hers as he began to caress her, kiss her in a way she never thought was possible.

Sue grabbed the sheets in her hands and twisted them in her fist. Her breathing was faster, choppy. Sue threw her head back and cried out in an animalistic primal moan. Jack didn't relent. He continued until she finally gave a long satisfying sigh. Jack smiled, he'd done as she asked, and she would remember their night together..."

He slowly caressed up her chest toward her neck, then her cheek and finally her lips. The kiss was soft, simple. Jack pressed her into the mattress kissing her passionately once more. Sue began to slow the kiss, and finally pulled away from him. Her hand trailed a path from his lips along his jaw and finally down his arm to his hand. She entwined her fingers with his. Their eyes never left each other's. Sue propped herself up on her elbow so she was facing Jack. She smiled softly at him, her gaze one of love.

"Thank you for tonight." She said quietly. "This was more than I ever could have hoped for." She said. He leaned forward and kissed her.

"Believe me, this was _my_ pleasure." He said referring to his current situation. Her cheeks flushed with color and she giggled.

"I-I couldn't help but notice." She said. It was Jack's turn to blush. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for." He said smiling at her. "It'll- subside… in a week or two…" He said laughing.

The pair lay next to each other kissing here and there, and touching, enjoying the afterglow.

"Stay with me tonight?" He asked.

"Jack… I- I can't." Sue said hesitantly.

"I'll be a perfect gentleman." He said, trying to reassure her. He reluctantly pushed himself off the bed, and retrieved a t-shirt for her to sleep in. "You can were this with your shorts. I'll sleep in this." He said, trying to convince her. "Sue, I just want to hold you." He said.

She put the shirt on, and snuggled back into his arm. Jack rested his other arm around her, pulling her close. He placed a loving kiss on the top of her head. It wasn't long before sleep over took the both of them.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read and review… hope you enjoy. As always, let me know what you think!

The early morning sun began to rise above the horizon of the city. It was Sunday morning, and DC was quiet- well relatively speaking. The air a bit brisk for that time of year, but the sun glowed bright golden yellow as it burned off the morning haze.

Jack's eyes fluttered open, his arm had long ago gone numb. The fuzziness in his brain began to clear and he looked to his side. There lay the reason for the tingle in his arm, Sue Thomas. Her blonde hair tossed about her head, lying lightly on his chest. He bent his head toward her hair, breathing in the scent of her. He laid a soft kiss on top of her head and brushed the stray locks from her face. His finger traced along the side of her cheek bone. She stirred at his touch. Soon her eyes fluttered open to meet his. He held her gaze, staring deep into her bright green eyes. She finally smiled at him.

"Morning." She said, wiping her eyes.

"Good Morning." He answered back, smiling down on her.

"How long have you been awake?" She asked.

"A little bit." Jack answered smiling wide.

"Why didn't you wake me?" Sue asked softly.

"I was enjoying watching you sleep." He said smiling again. Jack slowly leaned toward her, kissing her gently on the lips. Sue backed off their kiss, pressing her hand to his chest. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing. I just don't want to confuse this, that's all." She said as she nuzzled back into his chest. Jack held her to him tight, unsure if he should broach the subject or let it go. He decided for now to let it go.

Another half hour passed before either of them moved again. When they finally did, it was Jack who caved to the hunger.

"**Hungry**?" He asked. She smiled and nodded. "**Me too**. How 'bout breakfast?" He asked.

"What are you going to make us?" She asked playfully. Jack jumped out of bed and headed to the kitchen. Twenty minutes later, Jack reappeared with a plate full of French toast and two cups of steaming coffee.

"What's this? Room service?" She teased.

"What are you planning for the day?" Jack asked.

"Well, after breakfast, I want to shower and go to church." She smiled, looking at him hopefully. "Would you like to join me?" She asked.

"Weren't you just the one who said you didn't want to confuse this?" Jack said. Sue looked at him oddly. "Didn't you just ask if I wanted to join you in the shower?"

"Jack!" Sue gasped, shocked at his suggestion. "That is _not_ what I was asking, and you know it!" She exclaimed, her cheeks glowing red as she smacked his arm.

He pulled his arm back, rolling to his side to avoid the hit, laughing wildly.

"Oh, you didn't mean that? Oh, church then? I would love to. But, I need to shower first too." He said smiling. "If you're interested in saving water…" He joked, again laughing hard. "Just kidding! Just kidding!" He said loudly as he tried to avoid another slap.

After breakfast, Sue and Jack showered, separately, and headed to church. Throughout the service, Jack could tell she wasn't paying much attention to the sermon, but was deep in thought and prayer. He knew she was thinking on the impending decision. Silently, he reached into her lap and took her hand in his, entwining their fingers. Sue smiled, but didn't look in his direction.

After services, the pair walked hand and hand toward the center of town. Jack spotted a frozen yogurt place and began to walk toward it. After each getting their dessert, they walked back to the car.

"Do you want to go back to my place or go home?" Jack asked.

"I should go home." She said. "It's been nice spending so much time with you though."

"I know." He said smiling fondly at her. He started the car and headed toward her and Lucy's place. He parked close to the apartment, and walked her to the door. He began saying his goodbye when she held his hand and asked him to come up with her.

"I need a friend, another friend. Lucy's probably home, but I'm going to need you too." She paused. He took her by the hand and guided inside. "I need to call my parents." She said softly. "I am not looking forward to that."

They walked in to find Lucy reading on the couch. Lucy jumped up when she heard the door open and ran to her best friend, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"Oh, honey, how are you?" She asked as she pulled away from her. "I'm surprised to see you. How are you?" Lucy asked.

"I'm OK." She answered as she walked into the kitchen and got a bottle of water for each of them. Levi trotted over to her and wagged his tail at her. She hugged him tight and patted him on the chest affectionately. "Love you too buddy." She whispered.

Lucy and Jack exchanged a look.

"Uhh. I've made a decision." Sue said, her voice cracking. She swallowed down the lump that suddenly formed in her throat. Lucy sat next to her on the couch, Jack on the chair across from her. She fiddled with the bottle she was drinking from. Slowly she lifted her head looking at her two best friends sitting next to her. Lucy rubbed her shoulder. "I'm going to have the full mastectomy." Lucy gasped at her decision. "It's- it's just the best option for me." Sue said, a tear slipped down her cheek. Lucy wrapped her arms around Sue, Jack did too. Lucy's tears fell as did Sue's. Jack held both of them for a long moment.

"Sue are you sure?" Lucy asked.

"Yes." She said evenly. "I want children one day Luce. If I go with the partial, and I have to have chemo and radiation, I chance becoming infertile. If there's even one chance in a million that that will happen, I have to try to prevent it." Sue said. Tears spilled onto Lucy's cheeks, but not Sue's.

"You should call Dr. Kerswell; let her know your decision." Jack said, his voice cracking a bit. Sue took her phone into her room and made the call. Lucy stayed out on the couch with Jack.

"Jack? Do you really think this is the best decision?" She asked quietly.

"It is for her." He answered. "You heard her Luce. She needs to believe this is best. This is the one option that will keep her from being sick all the time, losing her hair, and maybe the possibility to become a mom." Jack whispered. "I'm supporting her on whatever decision she makes."

"I am too. I wanted to know where you stood on it." Lucy answered. "Jack? Do you think she's right on some level?" She paused. "I mean, you're a guy. Will having only one breast change things for her? Does it make a difference with men?" She asked.

"It doesn't matter to me." He said. He paused, Lucy smiled. Lucy read a lot into that answer, she liked it. "She has to call her mom. I want to be here for that. That's going to be a hard phone call." Jack said.

"I'm not going anywhere." Lucy agreed. "Jack? What about work?" She asked.

"I'll take care of it if she's not up to it." Jack said.

Sue walked out of her bedroom. "Well, I have to be there for 6 on Wednesday morning." She said. As she reached for the bottle of water, Jack noticed how much her hand was shaking. He walked to her and wrapped her in his arms. She accepted his gesture of support, and hugged him back.

"I'm OK. I am, Jack, really." Sue said. Something about finally making the decision has me at ease with it. Maybe it's because I've finally accepted it?" She said.

"OK." Jack started. "You've made your decision, told your doctor. You need to tell your parents. Do you want to tell the team, or do you want us to do that for you?" He asked.

"Uhh, I haven't thought that far, yet. I need to go in tomorrow and ask for the time off, probably short term disability. I don't want to call mom and dad. This will kill them." She said.

"Sue. They're your family, they'll want to be here with you." Lucy argued.

"I know, that's the problem!" Sue joked.

"And, speaking of that…" Jack started. "We should come up with a care schedule for you." He said.

"I'll be taking care of her, but would like some help." Lucy offered.

"Do I get a say in this at all?" Sue asked.

"Sorry…" Lucy said. "We're just trying to help."

"I know, and I appreciate it, but I need to be making these decisions." Sue said, sounding exasperated. She took a deep breath and blew it out hard. "I'm sorry, I'm just starting to feel overwhelmed." She paused. "OK. I'm going to go to work tomorrow and talk to HR about time off. I will come up to the bull pen and see if I can get through some sort of explanation before I lose it altogether." Sue said. "As for my care team, I was thinking of just getting a nurse. This way no one feels like they have to come and help." Sue said.

"What those of us who want to help?" Lucy asked.

"Do you not want us helping?" Jack asked.

"No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way." She said. "I don't want to burden you guys." She said.

"Let us worry about that. I think you should have a nurse come in to take care of the wound, but we can help with the daily things you'll need. Things like getting dressed, exercising your arm, feeding yourself. You're not going to be able to do much." Lucy said.

"OK." She said softly. "I do want you guys with me."

Sue turned away and dialed her mom's number. "Hi Mom, it's Sue. I wanted to talk to you and Daddy. Can you call me when you get this message? Talk to you soon. Love you." Sue said, shutting the phone.

Lucy walked past the calendar and stopped in her tracks.

"Sue? You didn't get your mom because they're on vacation." Lucy said. "It says there they're on a cruise until Wednesday." Lucy said.

"Oh, I forgot." Sue said. "I'll call her when I'm feeling up to it after surgery. I'm not ruining her vacation, especially when she can't get off the ship anyway." Sue said.

"Don't worry, it'll work out." Lucy assured her.

"OK, dinner?" Jack said, clapping his hands together. "What do we all want?" He asked.

"Nothing." Sue said as she headed for the couch. "I just can't eat right now."

"Sue. You need to eat. It's three days before your surgery, you can't go that long without eating." Lucy argued.

"Lucy's right. You need to keep your strength up." Jack added. "How about some soup from the deli on the corner?" He offered. Sue rolled her eyes and sighed before agreeing. Lucy wrote down what she wanted and Jack left to fetch their dinner.

Sue sat on the couch, Lucy watched her closely, unable to read what she was thinking or feeling.

"What?" Sue asked.

"Just wondering how you're holding up? What you're thinking?" Lucy said.

"I'm ehh, OK I guess. It's so surreal right now, I feel like I'm in a fog." Sue admitted. She looked at Lucy and smiled. "I'm sorry for being such a downer."

Lucy laughed. "A downer? Sweetie, you're not even close to what I would be like if I was going through what you are right now." She said. Sue laughed with her.

"I'm scared Luce." Sue admitted.

"I don't blame you. I am too. This is a scary thing you're going through." Lucy said softly finally sitting next to her on the couch. Sue half smiled at her. "What I do want to know is…" Lucy said with a teasing smile on her lips, raising her eye brows suggestively. "What happened last night?" Lucy's smile spread.

"A lady never tells." Sue said slyly. Lucy's mouth dropped open as she gasped in mock disgust that Sue was keeping her secrets.

"Does that mean there's something _to_ tell?" She teased. "Tell me this… was it worth it? Wait, first, did he go along with it?" Lucy asked.

"Luce!" Sue protested. Sue thought for a minute. "I'll say this." She paused, lightly biting her lip. "It is going to be extremely hard for me to pretend that I'm not in love with him." She said letting a smile grace her face. Lucy arched an eyebrow, her smile never faded.

"Somehow, I don't think you'll have to pretend, or hide it. I know Jack feels the same." Lucy said.

"I can't think about that right now. I can't set myself up for a huge disappointment." She looked at Lucy. "I know Jack loves me- as a friend." She held up her hand to Lucy who was about to protest. "But I can't let myself think there's more to us. I have to concentrate on fighting this." She said solemnly.

"OK." Lucy agreed. Jack walked through the door with dinner.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. Please keep reading and letting me know what you think.

Sue pushed the door to personnel open and walked in. The office was well lit, full of cubicles with lots of people walking about. Phones were ringing as Sue walked up to the front desk.

"Mr. Murphy?" Sue asked.

"Yes?" The man behind the desk asked, looking up.

"I'm Sue Thomas. I need to speak to you about taking a medical leave." She began.

Thirty minutes later she was headed up to the bull pen. She slowed her pace, beginning to feel the nerves she'd managed to keep at bay so far.

"Hey! Look at the pretty little stray Sheila that just walked in!" Bobby said as he got up to greet her with a hug.

"Nice to see you Thomas." Myles commented. Lucy was impressed with the fact that it sounded like he meant that.

Tara made her way over to Sue and gave her a hug. "We've missed you." She said, smiling at her.

"I've missed you guys too." She said, smiling back at her trying to hold it together. "Umm, is D in his office?"

'Yeah." Bobby answered. Sue turned and walked to his office and knocked softly. Levi pawed at her, telling her that D had answered.

"Hi." Sue said.

"Hi yourself." D answered. He got up and gave her a quick hug. "It's good to see you."

"That seems to be the general consensus." She smiled. "Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you." She said nervously.

"Sure, what's going on?" D asked. Sue began to tell her tale of what she'd been through, and what was coming, and told him in the end she was going to need time off. After a long talk with D, she headed out into the middle of the bullpen.

"Can- Can I have everyone's attention? I need to talk to you, all, about something that's been going on." Sue began. She took a deep breath, wringing her hands as her closest friends gathered around. "I'm sure you all noticed I took a couple days off last week."

Everyone nodded.

"I've been diagnosed with stage one breast cancer." As she looked around the room, the look of shock and sadness showed on the faces of her friends. Tara's hand instantly flew to her mouth, covering her shock. Tears slipped down her cheek. "It's in the milk glands. It's operable. My chances are really good, although I didn't ask for any statistics." She let out a nervous giggle. "I wanted to tell everyone before I have the surgery. I wanted it to come from me. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want anyone else to have to worry about this until I knew something." She said.

"How?" Tara muttered.

"I don't know, they don't know." Sue answered.

"When did you find out?" Myles asked.

"Friday." She answered.

"When you and Lucy left to interview that witness on a case that doesn't exist…" Tara concluded.

"Sorry about that. Like I said, I didn't want anyone to worry. I only told Lucy because I felt I owed it to her." Sue explained.

"You don't owe us an explanation." Myles assured her.

"When's the surgery?" Bobby asked.

"Wednesday. I have to be there at 6 AM." She answered.

"Wow. That's soon." Tara added.

"It is, but they said the sooner the better. We don't want to give it a chance to spread." She answered.

"How long will you be in the hospital?" Tara asked.

"About three days. I should be home on Saturday." Sue answered.

"So, we'll see you at your desk on Monday morning?" Myles teased.

"Yes. In about six weeks." She said, smiling.

Myles walked to her and wrapped her in his arms, hugging her. The whole team looked at him surprised, it was so out of character for him.

"I'm sorry for what you're going through Sue. If there's anything you need, let me know." He said.

"Thank you Myles. It means a lot." Sue said, allowing a tear to fall onto her cheek. "I want to tell you all something. It's been a difficult week, but knowing that I have my family" She began, as she raised her hand across the group before her. "Here for me. I know as long as I have you in my corner, I'll be alright." She said smiling. Lucy and Tara had tears flowing down their cheeks. Jack and Bobby were misting up, but trying to fight showing it. Myles had left the office altogether.

"Sue's going to need some nurse maids, any volunteers?" Lucy asked laughing through her tears. The whole office erupted into laughter.

"We'll all be here for anything you need Sue. We'll split the days, take turns helping you out." D assured.

"Thanks, but I think I'm going to have plenty. I will have a daily nurse for at least the first 2 weeks. After that, I should be able to get around a bit." Sue said.

"Not from the research I've done." Lucy said. "You'll need someone longer than that. Let us help you Sue." She said.

"Thanks." Was all she said. "Look, I've asked for a medical leave for at least 6 weeks, starting today. I have to get some things taken care of with the doctor and hospital." She said. One by one, the team made their way to her, hugging her, giving her their reassurance that she'd be fine. They all promised to stop by and see her.

Jack walked Sue out.

"I thought everything was settled with the doctor?" He asked.

"Most of it. I have to make sure all the paperwork is taken care of, all the forms are signed." She said, leaving out her first stop once she left.

Jack opened the back door for Levi then helped her into the car, giving her a light kiss on her cheek.

"Call me later, OK?" He said, smiling.

Sue smiled back and nodded as she drove away.

She looked in her rearview mirror to see Levi's dark eyes staring back at her. "Don't give me that look. I didn't exactly lie to him. I am doing all of those things, I just have something else to do first." She said as she drove.

Sue moved through the downtown streets until she found the office building she had a two o'clock appointment at. "Klapproth and DeLuca 205" read the sign on the directory. Sue and Levi made their way up to the second floor to the attorney's office.

"Good Afternoon. You must be Sue?" The woman behind the receptionist's desk asked. Sue nodded. "Take a seat, Ms. Klapproth will be with you shortly."

Sue took out the book that was given to her at the hospital by Anne, and began to read. Fifteen minutes later, a woman in her early thirties with soft brown hair and smoky blue eyes came out of the office and called to Sue. Sue was engrossed in her book, and didn't see the woman standing there. Levi intervened by nuzzling Sue's hand with his nose.

"Ms. Thomas?" The woman said walking toward Sue, her hand out stretched. "I'm Carol Klapproth."

"Yes. Hi. It's nice to meet you." She responded.

The women walked into Carol's office and closed the door.

"Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, tea?" She offered.

"Coffee would be great, thank you." Sue said. Carol brought over a spinner of K-cups for her to choose. After the cup was delivered to Sue, Carol opened the file.

"Ms. Thomas, you phoned wanting to discuss a last will and testament, as well as the possibility of a living well?" She asked. Sue nodded. "May I ask why?"

"I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and will be having surgery on Wednesday. I want all my ducks in a row, as they say." Sue answered.

"I'm sorry for your trouble." She said.

"Thank you, but I'm sure others have had worse. I'm sure I'll be fine, but it's still scary." Sue said smiling. "I want something in place, 'in case', that will cover my personal belongings, savings, and take care of Levi." She said nodding her head toward Levi sitting on the side of her.

"I totally understand. It's a good idea to have everything in order. You're right in thinking there could be a need." She said. "Do you know how you want to divide things up? What you have specifically?" She asked.

"No. Not really. I was hoping you could help me with that." Sue said.

"That's what you're paying me for." She laughed. Sue joined her.

"Do you want to generalize it? We can list it as, 'savings', '401K', 'insurance' and 'belongings'. I have found that putting it in simple general terms is usually best." Carol explained

"Sounds good to me." Sue agreed.

"Do you have any idea who you want for a beneficiary?" She asked. Sue went on for the next hour answering similar questions. Finally it came time to decide on Levi.

"I want him to stay with Lucy Dotson or Jack Hudson." Sue said.

"Not your parents?" Carol asked.

"No. They don't understand him. Lucy and Jack do, they'll make better care givers for him." Sue reassured.

"OK. That only leaves us with the choice of life support or none. If you sing a DNR, you will not be resuscitated. That means, if your heart stops beating or you stop breathing, nothing will be done to bring you back.

"I don't want that. I just want it so I'm not lifeless being kept alive by machines for years." Sue said shaking her head. "I wouldn't want that." Sue said.

"I understand. I will note that. Are you an organ donor?" Carol asked.

"I am. I have it on my license. " Sue explained.

"I'll indicate it here as well. If you'll just sign here, here, here, here, and here we'll be all set." She explained. The woman took out a stamp and stamped a mark on the bottom of the documents, making them official. "I will have a copy sent to you. Do you have any questions?" She asked.

"Will my beneficiaries receive a copy?" Sue asked.

"Not unless the unthinkable happens, then they will be summoned to a meeting where your last wishes will be revealed." She answered.

"Thank you, for everything." Sue said taking Carol's hand in hers.

"It was very nice meeting you. I'm sure you just wasted your short term money." She joked with Sue. "I wish you the best of luck with everything." With that, Sue parted ways with the lawyer.

The next day was busy, making last minute preparations. She took Levi for an extra-long walk in the park, knowing it was the last she'd be able to take him on for a while. She packed a bag for her stay at the hospital which included her toiletries, changes of clothes for the trip home, and the book that Anne had given her. Anne was right the story was a good one. It had a strong female lead, a great back ground of a town, which became a character of its own, not to mention a hot, strong, rugged leading man.

She took the time to write a letter to her parents telling them she loved them very much and thanking them for taking the time to make sure she had a good life. There was one to the team as a whole. She wrote a letter to Lucy telling her she was the best friend she'd ever had, and was glad she'd bugged her into getting a place together. She also explained to her that the lawyer had a copy of her will, and she's set up a fund for Levi, and if Lucy was willing, she wanted her to take care of him. Then there was Jack's.

_Dear Jack,_

_I don't know where to start this letter. First I want to say thank you for taking a chance on me, and my ability. If it wasn't for you, I probably never would have become an agent. I owe you, a lot. I want to thank you for being a great friend. You've been there for me through a lot of stuff._

_There is another thing I've needed to tell you, but couldn't. I shouldn't now, but I figure you won't see this unless I don't make it… I love you. I've been in love with you since almost the first day I met you. Please don't feel bad that you didn't know, or that you don't feel the same way- it's OK. The kiss we shared at Callahan and Merced meant something to me, but I never let on. Saturday night was the most special, most incredible night of my life. Thank you for not even trying to cross the line with me. I could tell, you wanted to. Honestly, so did I. If I do make it through this, maybe one day… I love you so much Jack, it hurts to think about it. Please promise me that you'll take care of yourself. Love, Sue._

Sue put her pen down, and put each letter into envelopes and addressed them. She put them in her dresser drawer with the note which read "Do not read unless I don't make it."

Just after 5:30, Lucy made her way through the door with Jack close behind. Jack carried pizza, Lucy a bottle of wine, and a movie.

"What's this?" Sue asked.

"A celebration!" Jack said.

"Of?" Sue asked.

"You're six week vacation!" He answered. Lucy shrugged her shoulders.

"Hey, don't ask me, he said pizza, and he was buying… need I say more?" Lucy poured the wine, Jack divvied up the pizza and they all sat.

"A toast!" Jack called, holding his glass up. The ladies joined him.

"To Sue. To quick recoveries, and good health!" He said. They clanked glasses and drank.

"Thanks you guys. It means a lot. I can't eat or drink after 9 though." She said. Well, I can have clear liquids til 2."

Jack looked at his watch. "Well, then, we need to eat up! Only 3 hours left!" he teased. The friends ate the pizzas and drank the bottle of wine. The movie never made it to the DVD player.

The evening passed quickly. Lucy decided to get her shower in early and go to bed, since she needed to be up early. It also gave her the excuse to leave Sue and Jack alone for a bit.

"Night Luce. I'll see you in the morning." Sue said.

"Good night you two." Lucy said walking into her room.

"Night Lucy." Jack called out. "You should get some rest too." Jack said.

"I'm going to rest all day tomorrow. I'm fine." She said.

"Too nervous?" He asked, taking her hand in his. She nodded. "You're going to be fine. You know that, right?" He asked.

"Yeah. I believe that I will make it through this, it's just going to be really hard. I have a long fight ahead of me." She said.

"No, you have a long recovery ahead of you, but we're going to be here for you. Lucy and I aren't going anywhere." Jack said squeezing her hand. "Now, you need to get some sleep. So do I." he said.

"Yeah, you have a busy day at work tomorrow no doubt." Sue said.

"I'm not going in tomorrow. I already called out." He winked at her. "I have the 'support Sue flu'" He joked. "I am taking you to the hospital with Lucy, and I will be there til… well, we'll see." He said winking at her.

"You don't have to…" Sue started.

"I want to." Jack said. "Now, if you don't mind, I want to get some sleep. Will you please go to bed already?" He smiled at her and sat on her couch.

"I didn't realize we were having a sleep over tonight." She teased back. "I'll see you in the morning." She said as she disappeared behind her bedroom door. She closed the door behind her and smiled wide.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Thanks for all the wonderful comments, and for taking the time to read my story and let me know what you think. I look forward to hearing from you.

The buzzing of her alarm was ringing throughout the entire apartment. It was followed by the obnoxious sound coming from a cell phone alarm, and the rocking sounds of the local radio station. Levi pawed at Sue until she rolled over and hit the alarm. Levi, however, didn't have a snooze button. Once he was sure Sue was awake, he made his way to the living room, picking up Jack's cell phone and dropping it on him.

"Hey Buddy. What's up?" Jack asked. The phone vibrated and started buzzing its obnoxious sound again. "Ahh, time to get up huh?" Jack asked while he sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Sue up pal?" He asked just as he heard clanging coming from the kitchen. He glanced toward the racket and saw Sue making coffee.

"Morning." She said.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Making coffee." She announced. "Just because I can't have any doesn't mean you guys shouldn't." She said. "I'm going to take a shower."

Lucy made her way out of her bedroom and poured the half made coffee for both she and Jack. "I took a shower last night, you want to go next?" She offered Jack.

"We don't have time. I took one before I picked up the pizza. I can grab one later. What time does she have to be there?" He asked.

"Six." Lucy answered.

"It's already after five, she's gotta hurry up." Jack said, starting to sound a bit panicked.

"Jack." Lucy commanded. "We've got plenty of time, relax. They're not going to start without her." She reassured him.

"I know. I'm nervous I guess, that's all." He said.

"Corral that, will you? Sue doesn't need to think we're scared." Lucy said.

"I know." Jack answered. Sue came out of the bedroom all dressed and ready to go.

"I hate not being able to wear makeup, deodorant, or powder! I should have double checked if I could brush my teeth!" Sue joked.

"Where's your bag?" Jack asked. Sue pointed to the front of the coat closet, there was a blue suit case sitting there with a light jacket lying across the top.

"I just have to feed Levi, and then we can go." Sue said as she opened a can of food for him. She patted him as he ate, then she gave him a tight hug and whispered something to him.

"Ready?" Jack asked.

"No, but… let's go." She said. The trio headed for the hospital.

At 5:45 Sue walked through the doors to the oncology department. The lights were very bright, a huge contrast to the outside sky which was still pitch black. She went to the nurse's station where she found her nurse sitting behind the computer clicking away.

"Anne!" Sue exclaimed.

"Did you forget I would be here?" She asked.

"I didn't think you were serious." Sue said. She already felt more at ease.

"Honey, I told you, I will be here for you, right through the end of this." She smiled at her. "Which, by the way, if you're wondering, is Saturday. I do not want to see you here again after Saturday, understood?" She asked.

"Yes Ma'am." Sue agreed. "This is Lucy Dotson, and Jack Hudson."

"Good to see you brought your support team with you." Anne said smiling. "Well, give me your bag, and let's get you settled in what will be your home for the next few days. You don't have any jewelry on, do you?" Sue shook her head. "Then you should probably give Lucy your earrings, they count." Anne said.

"Oops." Sue said. She took out the earrings and handed them to Lucy.

"I'm going to get her settled and her IV in, and you two can come back in a bit, maybe fifteen minutes, ok?" The pair both agreed. Anne gave Sue her johnny to put on, and patted the bed for her to climb in. She gave her an elastic to put her hair up. "How are you doing Sue?" She asked.

"Nervous." Sue answered.

"Understandable. You'll be fine. So, Lucy's the best friend? Jack? The boyfriend?" She asked.

"No, just a friend." Sue explained.

"Oh. Too bad. But! At least, you brought along a good looking support team!" She joked.

Nearly thirty minutes passed before Anne came out to get the pair. "You two can stay right up to the point we wheel her into surgery. Then, you'll have to wait out here. Try to keep it light in there, make her laugh if you can. Pray if that's what she wants, but don't let her dwell on it. It does no good." Anne said as she dropped them at her door.

Jack and Lucy walked into her room, both taking seats near her bed.

"Nice digs!" Jack teased. "I think I'll paint my place this color… soothing!" He joked more. Sue playfully slapped him.

"Yeah, and I have to get me one of those!" Lucy teased about her outfit.

"Oh, no. This is an exclusive, Anne assured me!" Sue teased back.

"Did Anne tell you what time the surgery's scheduled for?" Sue asked.

"No. I thought it was six?" Jack said.

"That's what time I had to be here. I think it's eight." Sue said. The three sat there chatting lightly while Anne came in every once in a while to check on things and adjust the IV. At 7:30, there was a knock on the window. Jack and Lucy turned around to see four sets of hands against the window in the "I LOVE YOU" sign. Jack tapped Sue on the shoulder and pointed to it. Lucy opened the door to find Anne standing there with the rest of their team.

"I found this lot sitting in the general waiting area. They claim to belong to her…" Anne said teasingly. "Listen, I know what she means to all of you, but I can't let you all in at once. One at a time, for a quick minute, that's all. We're getting ready to take her." Anne informed them. One by one the entered Sue's room, made their way to her, hugging her tight and wishing her luck. They made one last sign of a unified thumbs up before they left for the office.

"Call us when she's out." D said.

"We will." Lucy promised.

"That was great, but I wish you all wouldn't make such a fuss over me." Sue protested. Her eyes drifted shut for a long moment.

"We love you, we want you to know we're here for you." Lucy explained. "How are you doing Sue?" Lucy asked.

"Good." She answered with a silly smile on her face.

"They give you something to take the edge off?" Jack asked. Sue nodded.

"I think so. I suddenly don't really care if a truck ran me over." She teased. The three of them laughed.

"Umm, look Sue, I'm going to find the bathroom, but I have a feeling they're going to come before I get back. You'll do great. Jack and I will be right here when you wake up. I love you." Lucy said, the tears spilling onto her cheeks as she hugged Sue tight.

"I love you too. I'll see you shortly." She assured her best friend. The door closed behind her. Lucy walked just passed the window of Sue's room where she leaned against the wall, and sobbed.

"Jack, please take care of her." Sue asked. The tears threatening to fall. Jack nodded his head, not trusting his own voice. "Hey… if something happens…" She began.

"Nothing's going to happen." He protested.

"I know, I know, but… just in case… if something does happen… I want Lucy or you to take care of Levi for me. My lawyer has a copy of my will, and I've left you guys letters in my bedroom." Sue said as she began to cry.

"You're going to be fine." Jack argued.

"In case I'm not." She argued once more.

"Listen. You'll be just fine." He paused to regain his composure. "When you come out of this, I'm going to be here, right here. I will be what you see when you first open your eyes. And, when you're all done with this, and on the mend, we're going to have a long talk." He said, his eyes misting.

"Talk?" Sue asked. "About?"

"I'll tell you all of that when you're ready. Right now, you need to get through this surgery." He said as he leaned in and kissed her softly on the forehead.

Anne came in the room carrying a blue netted hat and wearing a mask. "Time to go." She said.

"I'll be right here." Jack said, choking back the tears. Two orderlies came in and began to roll Sue's bed out and toward the operating room. Jack held onto her hand until only the tips of her fingers touched his. Lucy walked up behind him, putting her hand on his shoulder. To her surprise, Jack turned to Lucy and pulled her into his arms and let his tears flow.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Thank you so much for all the kind words, it means so much to me to know you all are still reading this story, and enjoying it. Please, as always, let me know either way, but be nice about it. Sadly, I still don't own any part of STFBE… Wouldn't that be wonderful!

xxx

Anne walked beside Sue, checking her chart one last time.

"OK, we're here." She said to Sue. "Can you come over here for me?" She patted the smaller gurney.

"Sure." Sue said and climbed onto the other table.

"How ya doin?" She asked.

"Scared." Sue answered honestly.

"I bet." Anne replied. She put a shot into Sue's IV and opened the line. "That will help." She said smiling.

"What did you give me?" She asked.

"Just something to make you relax a bit. This is a scary time, probably the most stressful." Anne paused. "So, how's the book coming?" She asked. Sue smiled then giggled.

"Wow… good stuff!" Sue said giggling again. "The book is really good, thank you. I'm just getting to the good part. I think it'll be pretty soon when they get together." She said smiling. The smile faded a bit.

"The romance is the best part, isn't it?" Anne laughed, but noticed Sue was a bit down. "What's going on in there?" She asked Sue. Sue gave her a halfhearted smile and shook her head. Anne smiled knowingly. "Ahh, that handsome young G-man in there. I would have sworn on a stack of bibles that you and he were an item." Anne grinned. "I never understood how two people so obviously in love with one another are not together." She said exasperated.

"Work." Sue answered. "Rules." Sue's eyes began to get heavy and her blinks longer. A tear slipped from Sue's eye.

"None of that. You're going to be fine, Sue. We caught this in plenty of time." Anne assured her.

"I know." Sue whispered.

"Then what it is?" She asked. She finally stopped fiddling with tubes, charts and medicines.

"I-I wonder… I wonder if it will happen for me…" Sue said, her words blurring together.

"What's that?" Anne asked.

"The love the woman in the book has… "She said softly.

"Oh, Hun, you already have that." Anne said. Anne looked up to see the doctor signaling her from the window that he was ready for Sue. "It's show time Sue. Ready?" Sue nodded her head. Anne patted her hand and stroked her arm.

"Good morning Sue. I'm Dr. Reynolds. I'll be performing your surgery today. Anne is going to put a mask over your nose and mouth. I want you to talk to me Sue. Tell me what you do for a living; tell me a little bit about yourself. When you wake up, this will all done." He said in a very even tone.

"I'm Sue Thomas. I work for the FBI. You can find that in my file though. Is it OK if I just say a prayer?" She asked.

"Sure, if that's what you'd like." He answered. He nodded to Anne. Anne put the mask over Sue's mouth and nose. Sue noticed the doctor as well as another nurse in her line of sight bowed their heads, and closed their eyes as well.

"Our Father, who are in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy…kingdom come…Thy… will…be done… on Earth…as… it… is…i-n… H…ea…v…" was as far as Sue go before she finally fell into a deep sleep.

"Amen." Anne said softly, followed by a multitude of other voices in the room "AMEN!"

"Steady hands." The doctor whispered. "Scalpel." He ordered as he began to trace the lines that were marked on Sue's breast as a map for the incision.

XXXXX

Jack paced around the waiting area while Lucy nursed her second cup of coffee leaning against the over sized windows that looked down at the city below. The cars, taxis and buses rode in what seemed like circles one after another, blending into the one before it and the one after it. The people looked like parading ants hurrying to their destinations all oblivious that her best friend was in the midst of a life saving procedure. Lucy sighed heavily. She dropped into the chair next to Jack. He rubbed her forearm and patted her hand trying to comfort her some.

They sat together, both full of nervous energy. Jack jumped back up and began to pace. Lucy picked up a magazine and began to flip the pages. Jack paced four steps and turned around and followed the same four steps in the other direction.

"Jack!" She snapped. "Sit! Please. She could be in there for a few hours." Lucy said.

"I know. I don't know what to do. I can't sit, I'm too nervous. My pacing is driving you nuts." Jack said.

"I could use some coffee. Want to take a walk?" Lucy asked.

"I can't leave. What if she needs me? I promised her I would be here." Jack said.

"Jack, they just started a half hour ago. They're going to be in there another couple hours at least." Lucy tried to reason with him.

"I'm good. Thanks. You go, I'll wait." Jack said. Lucy got up and walked past him, rubbing his shoulder. He looked over his shoulder at her as she walked away. Jack reached into his coat pocket for his cell phone to call D to check in, and grabbed Sue's instead. He held it in his hand for a minute, opening it to see a picture of her and Levi as her wallpaper. He smiled.

He turned the phone on, and looked through her contacts. He found the number he was searching for and took his own phone out and dialed the number. The phone rang twice before it was answered.

"Hello?" a man's voice came on the line.

"Mr. Thomas?" Jack asked.

"Yes. Who's this?" He asked.

"Jack Hudson, Sir. I'm a friend of Sue's." He said, the nervousness in his voice was beginning to rear its ugly head.

"Oh, yes, Jack. How are you?" Mr. Thomas asked.

"I'm doing OK, Sir." He answered. "Uhh…" He started.

"So, what can I do for you Jack?" He asked.

"Well, Sir. You and Mrs. Thomas need to come to DC. Sue's in the hospital." Jack said. He could feel the lump in his throat become thicker, his voice giving away his true feelings. He paused to try to regain his composure.

"She's what?" He asked. "Is she alright?" He asked.

"I think she will be, but she needs you." Jack answered.

"What happened?" He asked Jack.

"I'd rather explain all of it when you get here." Jack answered.

"We'll be there as soon as we can." He said and the phone was disconnected.

Jack hung up the phone and dropped into the closest chair. Lucy walked behind him, handing him a muffin and coffee when she noticed the look on his face.

"What's wrong?" She asked. "What happened?" She asked with a bit of panic in her voice.

"I called her parents." Jack answered.

"You did what?!" Lucy exclaimed. "She's not going to be happy with you." Lucy scolded.

"They need to know. And, Sue tried to call them the other day, but they were on vacation until today." He explained.

"Are they coming?" Lucy asked.

"Yeah. I talked to her dad; he said they're on their way." Jack said. Lucy put her coffee and muffin on the table. She wrapped her arms around Jack and held him tight.

The hours passed slowly. Lucy and Jack took turns pacing and checking in at the office.

"I just wish they'd tell us something." She said as she got back up. Jack followed her to the window, Jack checked his watch- another hour had passed.

"What the hell is taking so long?" Jack growled. "They said it would be a few hours- that was a half an hour ago!" He grumbled.

Lucy walked to him, wrapping her arms around him. "Oh my God..." Lucy began. "Maybe they found more than what they originally thought..." Lucy whispered as her tears fell.

"Or maybe we just got her settled into recovery." Anne said.

"How is she?!" They both asked.

"She's sleeping. She did great. The doctor didn't see any other sign of the cancer. Everything's being analyzed." Anne said reassuring them.

"Thank God." Jack said.

"Hi Anne, how are you?" Lucy asked.

"I'm good hun.

"Can we see her?" Jack asked.

"Once we get her in a room." She answered.

"Please? We'll stay out of the way. I- I promised her I would be here when she wakes up." Jack pleaded.

"Tell you what- give her another fifteen minutes with the ICU nurse and we'll see where she's going. Maybe I can sneak you in for a few minutes. Once she's out of recover and ICU, she can have a party if she wants.

"Thank you." They both said.

The pair of friends paced, both checking their phones. Nearly thirty minutes passed when Anne returned.

"OK. I got both of you a pass for a few minutes." Anne said.

She opened the door to the recovery area to show four other beds. Sue was laying in the last one in the corner, closest to the nurse's station.

"This is Peggy, she's our recovery nurse. Until we get her settled into her own room, she'll be taking care of Sue. Everyone exchanged pleasantries.

"Come this way." Peggy said, leading them to Sue's cubical. "I should warn you, she's attached to machines and tubes as well as all sorts of other wonderful things." Peggy pulled back the curtain to Sue's makeshift room and went about checking her vitals and IV's.

Sue's hair was pulled back into a hair net, her eyes closed. She was a bit pale and had oxygen tubes coming from her nose. She had an oxygen sensor on her right index finger. Heart monitors were beeping. The IV bags hung above her right side. Jack spotted the tubes coming from the site of the surgery that were barely covered by a light surgical sheet. Her bottom half was covered by a thick blanket, but her feet were uncovered. Lucy was the first to notice the wraps on her lower legs.

"What's that for?" Lucy asked.

"Circulation. She's been off her feet, and not moving for hours, and will be for quite a few more. We want to keep everything moving smoothly." Peggy answered.

Peggy continued to write in Sue's chart, and make adjustments to the machines. The friends stared at Sue lying so still, so quiet in the bed.

"Peggy?" Lucy asked.

"Yes?" She answered as she hung the chart back on the end of Sue's bed.

"Is she in any pain?" Lucy asked.

"No. We've given her some really good pain medicine; she'll be comfortable for a few more hours at least. We have her on a pain management regimen." She added.

"What now?" Jack asked, his voice breaking a little.

"She'll stay here for a little while, another hour, maybe. Then, as long as things look good still, she'll get her own room or more likely, one with a roommate, where she'll stay for a few more days. Then you guys get to take her home." She finished.

"That simple?" Jack asked.

"That's the text book version of it, yes. I won't lie to you. It's going to be a long few days. It's going to be a long couple of weeks. But, she'll be fine and in six months, this will be a fading memory."

"She'll have a constant reminder." Lucy whispered.

"Don't let that reminder be you two. She needs as much support as she can get." Peggy said as she tweaked Sue's IV and left. Jack and Lucy looked at each other, then down at Sue. The machines beeped, and pumps went up and down. Peggy was right, it was going to be a long night.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Thanks to everyone who reviewed and send messages. I appreciate you reading and letting me know your thoughts! As always, I don't own any part of STFBE!

The curtain surrounding Sue's bed opened as Anne walked in.

"How's our girl doing?" She asked as she checked the machines and her vitals again.

"You tell us." Lucy said softly, discouraged by the fact that Sue hadn't awakened yet.

"She's doing great. Vitals look good, she's breathing nice and evenly on her own, her blood pressure is where it should be." Anne said.

"So, why hasn't she woke up yet?" Jack asked.

"She's stubborn." She said frankly. "She doesn't want to. I've seen it before." Anne shrugged.

Lucy and Jack both smiled, but couldn't muster anything more.

"Oh, come on you two, she's going to need positive people around, not grumpy and frumpy." Anne teased. Smiles began to cover the friends' faces. "That's better." She said. "Don't overstay your welcome. They'll be moving her shortly. I'll be back in a little bit. Peggy's here if you need anything." She said as she walked out of the room.

Jack took Sue's hand back into his, gently stroking his thumb over the top.

"Before she wakes up, I'm going to grab something to eat, and another coffee." Lucy said. "Why don't you come with me?" Lucy encouraged.

"No, thanks, Luce." Jack said. His voice barely audible.

"Jack…" Lucy pleaded.

"I promised…" He began.

"I know. You promised you'd be here, and you will be." Lucy paused. "Jack, she's going to be fine. She's in good hands, and they'll let her know we're here and we'll be right back. We'll probably be back before they let us back in." She said.

Jack shook his head. "I can't leave Luce." He whispered. Lucy understood.

"I'll stay with you then, at least until they move her." Lucy said.

"No, it's ok, go." Jack said shaking his head. Lucy walked past him toward the curtain. "Luce?"

"Yeah?" She asked.

"No more coffee for you though. You're wired enough." He joked. Lucy smiled.

"Can I bring something back for you?" She asked. He shook his head again.

Jack slowly closed his eyes and lowered his head, silently praying for Sue's quick recovery. Fifteen minutes passed when Peggy opened the curtain once again.

"OK, time for you to go." She said. "We're going to move Sue in a little bit, and need to check the incision." She said. Jack reluctantly let go of Sue's hand. He kissed her lightly on the forehead before she escorted him through the curtain.

"I'll let you know, or Anne will, what room and when you can get back in." She said, closing the curtain behind her. Jack stood for a long moment staring at the curtain. He slowly turned and walked back to the waiting area. Lucy sat in the chair, once again nursing a cup of coffee.

"I thought I said NO coffee?" Jack teased.

"It's not coffee. It's a cappuccino." Lucy corrected him. "I got you a sandwich and a water. I thought you'd be hungry by now." She said smiling at him. "How long will they be?" She asked.

"Don't know. Peggy didn't say." He said as he began his ritual of pacing. Lucy soon followed. Jack's phone rang, it was Bobby.

Jack answered the phone and filled him in on Sue's progress.

"Everything OK?" Lucy asked.

"He was checking on Sue." He answered nodding his head.

"Bobby?" Lucy asked.

"Yeah. He said everyone wanted to call, he drew the short straw." Jack chuckled. Lucy handed him the sandwich and opened his bottle of water.

"You need to eat." She insisted. Jack smiled a smile of thanks and took a bite of the sandwich.

"I wish they'd move her already and let us back in." He said frustrated by the wait. Jack reached for his pocket. Lucy looked curiously at him. "Sue's phone." He said, looking at it to see who would be calling her.

"Who is it?" Lucy asked.

"Her mom." Jack croaked. "Should I answer it?"

"No. Sue hasn't told her parents, remember?" She said.

"Yeah, but I did tell her dad they needed to come." Jack said. By the time he tried to answer it, the call had gone to voice mail. He opened his own phone and sent a text.

"Did you just text her mom?" Lucy asked laughing.

"No, her dad. I asked if he just tried to call Sue, and told him what hospital we're at." He answered as a text vibrated through his phone. "They're driving from Charleston. They're about 4 hours out. Once they hit the rush hour traffic, that'll add an extra hour, at least. They'll be here about 7 tonight." Jack explained.

"She's going to be really upset with you." Lucy said scrunching her nose.

"That's OK. I'm going to tell her _you _called them." Jack laughed out loud, leaving Lucy with her mouth open in shock. Lucy walked to the window that overlooked the city once more. "You know, I haven't once thought about a case today. I haven't given a passing thought to terrorists or drug dealers or money laundering… nothing." Jack said. "Isn't that weird? That's usually fills my every waking thought." Jack said swallowing water.

Lucy stared at him, smiling the coy smile she gets when she sees the sparks between her best friend and the love of her life.

"When are you going to tell her?" Lucy asked. Jack looked curiously at her.

"Tell her what?" He asked.

"Jack… When are you going to tell her how you feel about her?" Lucy insisted.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews and thoughts! I appreciate it! Please keep reading, and letting me know what you think.

Jack stared at Lucy, tight lipped. He wanted to tell her she was mistaken, but he knew Lucy would know he was lying. He dipped his head and slowly closed his eyes.

"Luce…" He began. Lucy walked toward him, her arms folded, eyebrow arched.

"Jackson…" She said accusingly.

"You and I both know it's not that simple. Sue and I are friends." Jack began.

"Excuses…" Lucy teased.

"Lucy, she and I can't be more… you know that." Jack said, barely a whisper. "There's a policy in place for a reason."

"More excuses." Lucy retorted. "Weren't you the one who was just telling me that you hadn't thought about work at all today? Doesn't that tell you something? Maybe it's time you start thinking about something more than just work." She paused. "Didn't this whole thing with Sue teach you anything? Jack, do something before you lose her." Lucy encouraged.

"I- I" Jack began when he spotted Anne walking toward them. Jack walked past Lucy, up to Anne. "Everything OK?" He asked nervously.

"Relax, she's fine. I was just coming to see if you two wanted to see her." Anne said.

"Is she awake?" Lucy asked.

"Not yet, but she's settled in her own room. You two can go in now." She answered.

When they entered her room, she was lying still. The sun was shining in on her. Her two best friends pulled chairs up alongside of her bed. Jack instinctively took her hand in his. Lucy brushed her hair back from her face. Neither said a word, they simply sat in silence for a long while.

Nearly an hour had passed when Anne walked back through the door. She smiled at both of them.

"How are you guys holding up? Have either of you eaten?" She asked.

"Yeah, thanks. I think we're doing ok." Lucy said.

"Does she have a nurse lined up once she gets home?" She asked.

"Yeah. We're going to help her with the day to day chores, but there's a nurse coming in to change the bandage and clean the drains." Jack explained.

"That's good." Anne said. "She's really going to need her two best friends right now. She probably won't admit to that, but she's going to need your support. There are steps to this surgery, post-surgery account for most of them." Anne explained.

"What steps?" Lucy asked.

"Don't be surprised if she breaks down, or becomes angry over the circumstances." Anne explained.

"It sounds like you're talking about grief." Jack said.

"I am. She needs to grieve the loss of her breast. Some women get through it pretty quickly, others dwell. Don't let her dwell." Anne suggested. "Make sure she takes her pain meds, don't let her be a hero in that department, she's going to need them. Exercises are important too. We'll start her on them tomorrow, but you're going to have to force her to do them at home." She said. "I'll give you an exercise routine to do with her."

"She'll do them." Lucy assured her.

"She'll want to do them, but you're going to have to be on her about it. It's going to hurt like a bugger, and she'll want to give up, don't let her." Anne began. "If she doesn't work that arm, she'll lose use of it, and her career with the FBI will be over."

"Not Sue. She's had to face adversity her whole life, this won't be anything new. She's a fighter." Jack said proudly.

Anne smiled and left the room. Lucy stood up and stretched once again. Another hour passed when Lucy's phone rang. She looked at it and smiled.

"My mom." She said. "I'll take this in the hall." She walked out of the room, leaving Jack alone with Sue.

Jack gently stroked Sue's hair, allowing his hand to travel down her arm, once again taking her hand in his. He leaned down and softly kissed her fingertips.

"Come on Sue, you've got to wake up. The sooner you wake up, the better off you'll be." He said. "Well, probably not. I guess when you wake up, the fear you had of everything becomes reality." Jack said choking back tears. "Sue, I know you can't hear me, but I'm hoping somehow you'll know I'm talking to you…" Jack said as his tears spilled onto his cheek. He grabbed for a tissue and wiped his face and eyes dry. He sniffled and realized it sounded like he'd been crying. He laughed at himself and snuck into the bathroom to wash his face with cold water. He made his way back to her bedside, taking her hand in his again.

Lucy came back in holding a tray with two coffees and a baggie of cookies.

"I thought you might want a snack, you didn't eat much today." She said handing him the goodies.

"You're a regular little mother hen, aren't you?" He asked teasing her. "Thank you."

"How is she?" Lucy asked nodding toward Sue.

"The same." Jack answered.

"You OK?" She asked. Jack nodded. "Liar" She said smiling at him. He closed his eyes slowly and shrugged, admitting he wasn't doing so well. The friends sat together keeping watch over Sue while making small talk. Another hour passed when Jack felt Sue's hand move in his.

A soft moan was all they heard come from her frail body. Both friends jumped to see if she was waking up.

"Uhhmmm…" was the only sound that came from Sue's mouth, but it sounded like Heaven to the pair. Jack pushed the button for Anne, and he squeezed her hand a bit. "Uhhggg" was again, the only think that escaped from Sue's lips. She tried to open her eyes as Jack brushed her cheek and squeezed her hand some more. He gently rubbed her arm, and then took her hand once more. Her eyes fluttered open, and closed just as quickly. She licked her lips, opening her mouth a little bit.

"Come on Sue, open your eyes." Jack urged as he rubbed her hand.

"Well, what do we have here? You all having a party and not inviting the nursing staff?" Anne joked.

"Something like that." Lucy answered.

"She's not waking up, keeps falling back to sleep." Jack said, nervously.

"It's normal. Give her a little time. Keep disturbing her, piss her off a little bit. It sounds mean, but it'll wake her up faster." She laughed, leaving Lucy and Jack with jaws dropped. "Usually, just the sound of my voice does it… little harder with Suzie here." Anne said.

"Yeah, yelling doesn't do much good with her." Jack commented.

"Positive side of being deaf I guess, loud noises don't bother you." Anne agreed.

"Yeah, makes it easy to live above a bowling alley!" Lucy teased.

"I take it that's a true story?" Anne asked. Both Jack and Lucy nodded.

"Jk.." Sue mumbled.

"I think she wants you." Anne said.

"In more ways than one." Lucy agreed laughing, enjoying Jack becoming uncomfortable and beaming pink.

"Alright you two." Jack scolded.

Anne leaned into Lucy, "You've picked up on that have you?" Anne said with a wink. Jack didn't even bother responding.

"Come on Sue." Jack said, he continued to brush her face with the back of his fingers and rub her hand.

"Squeeze her hand, her fingers, like you're a kid playing one up." Anne said.

"Like what?" Jack asked.

"You know. Ugh! Didn't you ever play 'uncle' when you were a kid?" Anne asked. "Make it hurt just a bit… get her attention."

"Ahh." Jack said and squeezed Sue's hand a bit harder. She winced like she felt it, but her eyes didn't flutter again. She simply groaned. Jack leaned toward her and kissed her on the forehead. "Come on Sue." He said very close to her.

Her eyes fluttered open, and then closed once more. He kissed her again, this time on the temple. Her eyes fought to open.

"There ya go." Anne said. "Aim for her lips, I bet that'll get her attention." She teased.

"It would get mine too!" Lucy agreed. Jack kissed her cheek, and kept his face next to hers. Her eyes fluttered and fought.

She moaned once more, moving her head to the side, facing Jack. She moved her hand with her pinky sticking out, swooping it a bit, and then crossed her thumb over her middle and index fingers.

"What's she doing?" Anne asked.

"Sign… she's signing." Lucy said excited. Lucy repeated the signs that Sue had made. "J…K" She said. "She made a J and K… Jack! She's signing Jack!" Lucy said excitedly.

Jack curled her hand into a fist and shook it. A peaceful smile graced her face. Jack took her hand and signed "OK" and poked her softly in the shoulder. This time Sue shook her hand on her own.

Anne looked confused at the scene before her.

"Jack asked her if she was OK, she said yes." Lucy explained.

"Ahh. Jack? Ask her if she's in any pain." Anne instructed. Jack's brow furrowed. Once again, he took her hand and formed the letters 'P' and 'N' and touched her shoulder. She turned her head to one side then slowly to the other.

"Good." Anne said patting her on the arm. "Let me know if she wakes up fully and needs something." With that, Anne left the room.

Sue tried to open her eyes, but lost the fight and fell back asleep. Lucy rubbed Jack's shoulder. She leaned to him and said "She's going to be fine." Jack smiled as he took Sue's hand in his again, entwining their fingers.

A lab tech came in the room with a tray full of tubes and needles.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I'm going to need that hand for a few minutes." She said with a smile. She wrapped Sue's arm with a rubber tie and drew out two tubes of blood. As she was taking the samples, Anne poked her head back in the door.

"Agent Hudson?" She asked. Jack turned toward her. "There someone here to see you." She said.

Jack got up. "Luce, I'll be right back." He said as he walked out the door and into the waiting area where he found Sue's parents anxiously waiting for some word on their daughter.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"Jack!" Called Carla as Jack walked into the waiting area.

"Mr. and Mrs. Thomas." He said nervously. "How are you?" How was the drive?" He asked as he approached the couple. Bill held out his hand to Jack.

"How's my daughter Jack?" He asked.

"She's good." Jack said with a small smile.

"Jack…" He began, but was interrupted by Carla.

"Agent Hudson, where is my daughter, and why is she in this hospital?" She insisted.

"Come this way, let's talk." Jack began.

"I want to see my daughter." She insisted.

"Carla, please." Bill said, stopping her from making any more demands.

Jack sat on the chair, turning to face Carla and Bill. He took a deep breath before he began.

"Mr. and Mrs. Thomas, please let me finish telling you why Sue's here before you panic or go rushing into her room." Both of her parents agreed. "Sue's doing pretty well. She's starting to wake up, slowly. She made it through the surgery with no complications." Jack began.

"Jack, please, why did she need surgery?" Carla asked.

"Sue was diagnosed with stage one breast cancer. She chose to have a mastectomy." Jack said. Bill looked crushed, tears filled his eyes instantly. Carla became defiant.

"No! Not my Sue. She's too young… she can't have cancer. They've made a mistake, I know they have!" She insisted.

"Mrs. Thomas, I assure you, Sue had tests done. This was not an easy decision for her, but she did what she thought was best for her future." Jack said as calmly as he could.

"Mr. Hudson, she never mentioned any of this to either of us." She insisted.

"She really didn't have a chance to. She was diagnosed less than two weeks ago. She tried to call you to talk to you about it, but you were already on vacation. She didn't want to ruin your trip." Jack explained.

"Oh." She uttered.

"How is she?" Bill asked.

"As well as can be expected." Jack answered.

"Did… did they… get it all?" Her father asked hesitantly.

"The doctor believes they got all the cancer. We haven't heard from the lab yet, but the doctor didn't think it had spread to her lymph nodes." Jack said.

"Can we see her?" She asked, tears falling to her cheeks.

"Of course." Jack answered. "I- I should tell you… I haven't told her that I spoke with you. She doesn't know you know yet." Jack explained.

"Thank you." Bill said. "Can you take us to our daughter?" He requested.

"Sure." Jack answered as he stood and led the way to Sue's room. Carla walked through the door and gasped as she rushed to Sue's side when she saw her lying in the bed. Bill walked to her and kissed her on the top of her head. Lucy got up to let them sit.

Anne walked back into the room to check on Sue. She jotted something in her chart and Jack made the introductions.

"How's she?" Carla asked.

"Doing great. She was awake earlier, but it didn't last long. What was it, 3, 4 seconds?" Jack smiled and nodded. "I'm sure she'll wake again soon. Honestly sleep is the best thing for her right now." Anne said. "Do you need anything; can I answer any questions for you?" Anne asked.

"Do you know if they got it all?" Bill asked.

"I don't know yet. Her doctor will be in to check on her in the morning, he might know by then. It usually takes a couple days though." Anne reassured them. "I'm just down the hall if you need something."

Lucy made her way to Sue's parents hugging them. "I'm going to let you visit. I have to call my grandmother." She said, excusing herself.

"Yeah… I'm going to check in at the office. I'll be in the waiting room." Jack said.

"Agent Hud- Jack… you can stay. Please, Sue relies on you so much." Carla said.

"I'll be back in a few minutes. You visit for a bit." Jack said leaving them alone with their daughter.

A short while passed and the Thomas' made their way back out of Sue's room. "Jack?" Bill said as they approached him.

"Everything OK?" He asked.

"Yes. We're going to find a hotel and grab something to eat. We'll be back." Bill answered.

"I'll be here." Jack said shaking his hand. Carla slipped her hand into Jack's and covered it with her other hand. Jack walked back into Sue's room and pulled her hand into his. He caressed her hand once again. Sue slept peacefully, and soon Jack found himself slipping into a deep slumber.

Jack woke to a hand nudging his shoulder. He shook his head trying to shake the cobwebs out.

"Hey Mate." Bobby said from behind him. "How's she doing?" He asked.

"The same." Jack answered rubbing his eyes, checking his watch. "What time is it?"

"Just past nine. I sweet talked the nurse into letting me in for a bit." Bobby explained smiling. "How long you been out?"

"'Bout a half hour, little more maybe." Jack said. "Sue's parents are here."

"I didn't see them." Bobby said

"They went for food and to get a hotel." Jack explained. "I almost said they could stay with me, but I don't know how that would work." Jack laughed, Bobby did too.

"You _must_ be sleep deprived to suggest that my friend!" Bobby joked.

"Hey there Sleeping Beauty." Anne said as she walked back into the room. "You should go home, get some real sleep and a shower. She's probably going to be out the rest of the night." She explained.

"I want to be here." Jack said.

"Well, might I suggest a shower? And a change of clothes?" Anne said scrunching her nose at him teasing him.

"Yeah Mate, that wouldn't be a bad idea. If you don't shave, she won't recognize you!" He joked.

"Do you mind stopping off at my place and getting me a few things?" Jack asked Bobby.

"Yeah. I'll be back in a bit." He looked at Anne with a question on his face.

"Alright, but hurry up about it." Anne said giggling. "And when he gets back, take a shower and get freshened up in the doctor's lounge."

"Yes ma'am." Jack said smiling.

Less than an hour later, Jack was showered and spruced up. He got a coffee from the nurses' station and walked outside Sue's room.

"Time to go home." A voice said from behind him. Jack turned to see Anne with her jacket on and umbrella under her arm.

"Anne, thanks for everything today." Jack said as he kissed her lightly on the cheek.

"You're welcome Hun. She's a great gal." Anne said walking into Sue's room for one last check of things.

"Yeah, she is." Jack agreed.

"Have you told her that?" Anne asked as she passed Jack, patting him on the arm. Jack didn't answer. "Well, that says a lot."

"It's not that simple." Jack answered.

"Yes, it really is." Anne said. "Honey, if you have feelings for that girl, don't make her wait to tell her. One day, it might be too late." Anne said as she turned to leave.

Jack sipped his coffee as he slouched in the chair next to Sue's bed. He held her hand, absently rubbing her hand with his fingers, softly caressing it. Another hour passed, the coffee was gone, and Jack was losing the battle to stay awake. Sleep over took him as he laid his head on the bed.

XOXOXOX

Sue stirred from her sleep, struggling to open her eyes. Finally her eyes focused on the stark white surroundings. She moved her left hand up, but the pain shot through her arm and chest bringing tears to her eyes. Suddenly the reality of what had happened to her came flooding back. As she tried to pick up her right hand, she felt something weighing it down. She turned her head to notice a hand over the top of hers. A smile came to her lips as she realized it was Jack.

Gently she pulled her hand out from under his. She softly stroked his hair, letting her fingers run through his locks. He began to stir at her touch. He lifted his head and looked at her. A smile reached from one ear to the other when he realized she was awake.

"Hi." He whispered, his voice not fully there.

"Hi yourself." She said smiling at him.

"How are you feeling?" Jack asked as he sat up fully.

"Did anyone get the number of the truck that hit me?" She asked with a giggle.

"We're working on that right now. We've got a good lead that it was a doctor driving it, might be a good settlement in it for you." He laughed. Sue smiled. "Are you in any pain?" He asked.

"No. My throat's dry though." She said. Jack instantly pushed the button on her bed. A nurse came in.

"Well, hello there. I thought you'd be out til at least the morning." She said. "How do you feel?" She asked.

"My throat is dry." Sue complained.

"I'll get you some ice chips. Try them. You're 20 hours past surgery, you should be fine, but if you get nauseous, use the bedpan and let me know." She left.

"You're still here…" Sue said. Jack nodded. "Thanks." She managed before the nurse came back in with the chips.

"Eat them slowly." She said handing them to Jack. He also handed Jack a small cup with Vaseline in it. "Have her put some on her lips, they're chapped."

"Thanks." Jack said taking the items.

"You're sure you're not in any pain?" Jack questioned.

"Not as long as I don't move. Tried moving my left arm earlier, I thought I was going to pass out from the pain." Sue explained.

"I'm glad you're awake." Jack said smiling fondly at her. He was quiet for a long moment. He looked at his hands, trying to find a way to say what he needed to say.

"What is it Jack?" Sue asked. Fear suddenly gripped her. "Did the cancer spread? Is that why you're so quiet?" She asked.

"No!" Jack jumped. "I mean, the tests aren't back, but the doctor said everything looked great."

"Then what's wrong?" Sue insisted.

"Umm… You know me too well." Jack smiled at her. "I have something to tell you, and you're not going to like that I did it." Sue stared at him. "I did something…"

"What? Spit it out already!" Sue nearly yelled at him.

"I called your parents." He said at barely a whisper.

"You what?" Sue asked.

"I called your mom and dad. They're here. I'm sorry! I know I probably should have waited, I should have asked you first, but I thought…" Jack began to stutter over his own words.

"Jack, stop." Sue said. "Stop, please."

"I'm sorry." Jack said again.

"It's OK." She began. "Actually, I'm glad you called them." She said.

"You are?" Jack asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. I didn't know how I was going to tell them. So, thank you." She said.

"I was afraid you'd be mad at me." Jack said smiling, taking her hand in his again.

"Thank you for staying too, you didn't have to." Sue said.

"Yes I did." Jack said.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**OK, so I messed up BIG time! I rewrote this chapter and then posted the OLD one! Sorry to tease everyone with a new chapter, but I promise there's one on the way… Thanks for understanding!**

Thanks to everyone who took the time out of their busy schedules to read and review the past chapters… I'm glad you're enjoying it so far. Please keep reading and reviewing, keep letting me know you're out there.

Jack leaned back in the chair, holding Sue's hand the whole while. The pair finally fell asleep. Jack woke when he heard movement in Sue's room. He opened his eyes to see Anne standing over Sue checking her and her IV bags.

"Morning." Jack grumbled.

"Better for me than you it seems. Bet your back's in a knot." She commented.

"Yep." Jack said standing up and stretching.

"You should go home and get some proper rest." Anne scolded.

"I will, once Sue's home." Jack insisted.

"You're a good man Jack." Anne said. "How'd she do with the ice?"

"Good. She ate the whole cup with no complaints of nausea." Jack answered.

"That's encouraging. Maybe we'll graduate her to Jell-O for breakfast. Does she like orange?" Anne asked.

"She likes orange juice and orange pops, so I'm going to go with yes to the orange Jell-O." Jack said smiling.

"Her dad called this morning. I think her mom made him; I could hear her in the back ground." Anne chuckled.

"I'm sure they'll be here very soon." Jack said, forcing a smile. "So, what's on tap for today?"

"We're going to get her up and walking around. She's got to eat, and we're going to start with simple arm exercises." Anne said.

"So soon?" Jack asked.

"Gotta get her going. She's going home in 2 days, she needs to be mobile." Anne explained.

Sue began to stir. Anne looked down at her and smiled. Sue only groaned. Anne touched her shoulder. Sue opened her eyes just enough to see Anne standing over her.

"Well hello there!" Anne greeted her.

"Hi." Sue whispered.

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

"Sorry, I missed that. Long blink I think." She joked. Jack laughed.

"I asked how you're feeling" Anne repeated.

"Ehh." Sue explained.

"Such technical terms! You're going to make me get an interpreter in here, aren't you?" She teased. Sue smiled at the joke.

"I'm glad you're here." Sue said.

"I'm glad you're here!" Anne said in turn.

"Do you want something for the pain?" She asked.

"Will it make me sleep?" Sue asked.

"Not unless you want it to." Anne replied.

"I don't." Sue answered.

"What's your pain level? One being a hang nail and 10 being getting shot?" Anne offered.

"Well, I've never been shot, but I don't think the pain is that bad. I would say about a 4?" Sue answered.

"I'll be back in a few minutes." Anne said as she left the room.

"You're still here?" Sue teased Jack.

"Yeah." Jack answered. "I have an idea for tonight though. You sleep on the chair, and I sleep in the bed, how's that sound?"

"Somehow I don't think they'll go for that." Sue said.

Anne reappeared with her Jell-O and a needle with some medicine in it.

"The girl will be bringing you some tea in a little bit. If you keep the tea and Jell-O down, you'll be all set to have some toast." Anne said. She handed Sue the orange gelatin and pushed the medicine into the IV. "If you're able to keep everything down, we'll take this out today."

"That's good. It kind of hurts." Sue said.

The door opened and a candy striper came in carrying a tray with more orange gelatin and a cup of tea.

"Let me know how you make out with this." Anne said as she left the room.

Sue took a bite of her breakfast and then a sip of her tea.

"How is it?" Jack asked.

"Well, it's not French toast, but it'll do. I'm starving right now, so orange gelatin works for me." Sue laughed. "Did you see my mom and dad today?" She asked.

"Not yet. I'm sure they'll be here as soon as they can. You're mom was very upset when she poked in on you last night." Jack answered.

"I bet." She answered.

There was a tap on the door and Anne entered.

"I found these two waiting for you. Are you up for visitors?" She asked. Sue smiled and tears filled her eyes when she caught a glimpse of her mother. "I'll take that as a yes."

Carla and Bill walked in, anxious to hug Sue. Carla wasn't sure where to go to put her arms around her daughter. Bill simply kissed the top of her head and held her hand. Jack began to excuse himself.

"No, sit." Bill said.

"How are you darling?" Carla asked.

"I'm ok Mom." Sue answered.

"Have you heard anything from the doctor yet?" Carla asked.

"No. He'll be in about 11:00. I hope he knows something by then." Sue admitted.

"How are you Jack? You didn't sleep here, did you?" She asked.

"Yeah, I did. These chairs are really comfortable." He chuckled with a hint of sarcasm.

"Thank you for staying with our little girl." Bill said, shaking Jack's hand.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else." Jack said. "I do, however need to get a shower and check in at the office. Do you mind Sue?" He asked.

"Of course not. I'm sure everyone wants an update." Sue answered.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. Have a nice visit." Jack said as he got up and walked to the door. "Sue? Do you want me to bring you anything?" He asked.

"**Ice cream sundae**." Sue signed and smiled.

Jack gave her thumbs up and headed to the office for a few hours. Oh his way out, he stopped to talk to Anne.

"Hi Anne." Jack whispered.

"Hi Hon." She answered.

"Do you know what time the doctor's going to go see Sue?" He asked. "I want to be there if he has news."

"I don't. I know he's in surgery. He's not scheduled out til at least one." Anne answered.

"I thought it was 11?" Sue asked.

"It was, but you know how these things go…" Anne said with a sympathetic smile.

"Great, thanks. I'll be back then." Jack said as he jogged toward the open elevator.

XOXOXOX

Bill held onto Sue's hand, but fear owned his eyes. Carla couldn't bring herself to sit by her daughter's bed.

Sue reached for the tray taking the bowl holding her 'breakfast' placing it in her lap, then taking the spoon. She fought for a minute, but managed to get a cube onto the spoon and into her mouth. She smiled at her accomplishment. Bill watched with pride at his daughter's stubbornness.

"You two are awfully quiet. What's wrong?" She asked

"Nothing." Carla mumbled with her back toward Sue. Bill shook his head, conveying her message to Sue.

"What is it? Did you already talk to the doctor?" Sue asked, fear claiming her voice.

"No!" Bill nearly yelled. "I'm sorry Sweetheart. I'm just scared, unsure of what to say to you right now."

"Just be my dad. And my mom." She said looking in her mother's direction. Carla slowly turned toward Sue, tears staining her cheeks.

"Mom, please, don't cry." Sue said, her own eyes beginning to fill with water.

"I can't help it Sue. I can't let myself believe that you've gone through this alone. That we weren't here for you during this horrible ordeal." Carla said, almost scolding herself.

"You're here now." Sue said.

"Yes, but I wasn't here when you needed me the most.

"What makes you think this isn't when I will need you the most?" Sue asked.

"When you needed to make this decision." She explained. "I can't imagine how you were able to think straight enough to think about what this all meant, and what was actually best for you." Carla said.

"Mom," Sue began, taking Carla's hand in her own. "I don't know how I did it either, but I did. I made the best decision for my future. The doctor's explained to me that if I did nothing, I would die. If I chose to have the tumor removed, I would have to have chemo and radiation, which could cause me to not be able to have children. This was the one option that lets me have a future and the possibility of having children." Sue let a single tear roll down her cheek. "Some day, I want to be a mom. I want to be a mom to my children as you were to me." Sue said. Carla broke down and hugged Sue as tight as she thought she could without hurting her.

"I love you Honey." Carla said.

"We both do." Bill added.

"And, I wasn't alone. I had Lucy and Jack with me. Lucy was there when the doctor told me it was cancer. And, Jack has been my rock." Sue said smiling, blushing lightly.

Bill smiled and caught a glimpse of Carla's arched eyebrow.

"I like that young man." Bill said, trying to keep Carla from upsetting Sue.

"As do I." Carla added. "I'm glad he and Lucy have been here for you. They're good friends."

"Yeah, they are." Sue added.

Just then, Anne entered the room carrying some food.

"How'd the gelatin go down?" She asked.

"Good. No nausea at all." Sue added.

"Then I think it's time you graduated to toast. Do you like jelly?" she asked. Sue nodded. Anne put the plate of toast and a few packets of grape jelly on the side. "Here ya go. Would you like some coffee or tea?" She asked.

"Coffee, if it's good. If not, how about some orange juice?" Sue asked.

"The coffee is actually really good. I'll be right back." She said as he walked back out the door.

"That woman has been here since the diagnosis. She's awesome!" Sue beamed.

"The nursing staff is the backbone to any hospital." Carla said. Anne walked back in carrying a steaming cup of joe.

"Anne? Could I sit up? My back is starting to ache from this position." Sue asked.

"Funny you should ask that. We're actually going to get you out of bed and sitting up in that chair right there." She said nodding toward a tan leather chair near the window. "Mr. & Mrs. Thomas, I am going to ask you to stand on the far side of the room while we get Sue up. I have to wait for the orderly to come in and we'll move you."

Carla and Bill moved to the far side of the room, but the orderly didn't come in. "Let me see what's keeping him. I'll be right back." Anne said as she stormed out of Sue's room.

Just then Jack came back in the room.

"That was fast!" Sue exclaimed with a huge smile covering her face.

"Yeah, well… Myles and Bobby are out on a case together and Tara was covering some leads that came in on the bank robbery I was investigating. I talked to D for a few minutes, gave him what little update I had and came racing back here. I wanted to be back before the doctor came in." He said.

"You too." Said Anne as she walked back into the room. She turned to Jack and arched an eyebrow. Jack laughed and figured out what she meant and took his leave with Sue's parents who had moved to the hall. From the corridor they could hear Sue wail as they lifted her into the chair. Carla's hand flew to cover her mouth as tears instantly formed in her eyes. Bill put his arm around her shoulder pulling her close. Jack bolted for the door to the room, but Bill grabbed his arm shaking his head.

"Let them do their work son. She's going to go through a lot of pain with this surgery. We'll only get in the way, and you'll only embarrass her if you go in there now." Bill said to Jack. Jack agreed and let go of the door handle. He pushed himself against the wall, leaning his head back and slapping the wall aggravated that he couldn't help Sue.

"I hate feeling helpless." Jack mumbled under his breath.

"You're worth more once she gets settled. They get paid for what they're doing, let them do their jobs. We get to comfort her." Bill said with a smile. Jack smiled back knowing he was right.

Anne helped Sue get settled in the chair, making sure she was covered and as comfortable as she could get. She pulled a portable food tray to her, putting it in front of her. She pulled the book out of the tote on the floor and placed it next to a pitcher of ice water. Sue smiled and Anne winked.

"Maybe you can have that handsome G-man read that to you." She teased.

"Not the part I'm up to…" Sue laughed.

"Oh, got to the good part did you?" Anne asked. Sue nodded. "I think I'm going to take out the IV." Anne said.

"What if I need more surgery?" Sue asked.

"I'll put another one in. I don't think you'll need more surgery. We can wait if you want." Anne offered. Sue shook her head. Anne proceeded to take a gauze pad and a Band-Aid from the supply closet. A second later, the needle was out of Sue's hand, replace by the bandage.

"Thanks. That's better." Sue said rubbing her hand a little where the tape was holding the IV in her hand. Anne pulled a light blanket to Sue's lap and tucked it under her.

"We don't want you advertising the merchandise now do we?" Anne teased. Sue chuckled and blushed. "Or, maybe we do…" Anne suggested. "You know, I could tell your parents that you need your rest and they should come back later… You and Jack could have some alone time."

"Anne!" Sue gasped. Anne shrugged her shoulders as if to ask 'what?' and smiled at her. "We're just friends… me and Jack." Sue explained.

"Yeah, you've said. I still don't believe you, but if you insist, OK, we can go with that." Anne teased. Sue gave her a look blushing.

"Do you want company now?" Anne asked smiling. Sue nodded.

Anne walked out of Sue's room and nodded to Jack.

"You're all set." She said.

"Thank you." Carla said. Anne turned back to her.

"It's nothing." Anne replied.

"I'm referring to how well you're taking care of my daughter. She's everything to us." Carla said.

"You're welcome." Anne said as she passed by the family. "She's a peach." Anne casually walked past the group touching Jack's arm. Jack smiled down at her. As she walked to the nurses' station, she thought to herself, 'that's what I thought.' She gave a smile at Jack as he looked back toward the center island at the other end of the corroder.

"How are you darling?" Carla asked.

"Can we get you anything?" Bill asked.

"Actually, my ice cream sundae would be great." Sue answered looking like a sad puppy in Jack's direction, pouted bottom lip and all.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I totally forgot! I was so focused on getting back here as soon as I could, I guess I forgot. **I'm sorry** Sue." Jack said.

"I'll be right back." Bill said, stopping at Jack. "Why don't you help me out Jack? I'm sure you know how my daughter likes her ice cream sundaes" He said.

"Sure. I'll be right back." He said smiling at Sue. Bill waited outside the door, putting his hand on Jack's shoulder as they began to walk toward the elevator.

"Did you want to talk about something, Sir?" Jack asked. Bill looked at him knowing where the question came from.

"I wanted to give Sue some time with her mother. I think Carla needs to see for herself that Susie will be ok." He said.

"She's a strong woman, she'll be fine. This won't get her." Jack said.

"I know. I wanted to thank you for being there for my little girl." He chuckled. "It's hard for me not to think of her that way. I guess she'll always be that to me." Bill said.

"She's your only daughter." Jack smiled.

"Yes, she is." Bill said with distinction in his voice. Jack caught the inflection and looked at him curiously.

"She's a strong young woman; she has a lot of good friends in her corner too." Jack added.

"I'm glad you're one of them Jack. You've proven to be worthy of my daughter's affection." He said.

"Sir?" Jack asked.

"Bill, please." He said. He stalled in the hall, stopping to look at Jack. "Son, that girl of mine is head over heels for you." He paused to gauge Jack's reaction. Jack smiled, bowing his head a bit as a light blush colored his cheeks. "My question for you is, what do you intend to do about that?" Bill asked as they walked into the elevator.

Jack was silent for a long moment.

"Marry her." Jack said. His cheeks now a crimson red.

"Well, that's more honest than I was expecting." Bill said stunned.

"I've been denying my feelings for her for a very long time. I can't do that anymore. If I've learned anything from this scare, it's that." Jack explained.

"Does she have any idea how you feel about her?" Bill asked.

"I don't know. We've never really talked about it." Jack responded.

"Can I ask what's the issue?" He asked.

"Work. There is a no fraternization rule in place, and for good reason. We have to find a way around it before we can even broach this subject." Jack explained. Then he let out a loud chuckle. "And, I suppose it would be a good idea to ask her out on at least one real date." Jack said still chuckling.

Bill joined in the laugh adding, "Good point." He walked into the cafeteria and grabbed four hot fudge sundaes. "You take care of my little girl." He added.

"Yes Sir." Jack said as they returned to the elevator.

XOXOXOX

Carla sat next to Sue, brushing her hair from her face.

"Mom, I'm going to be OK." Sue said positively.

"I know. I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that you have cancer… I can't lose you sweetheart, I just can't." Carla said taking Sue's hand in hers.

"I'm not going anywhere. I have faith that God needs me here for a while more. This was something to wake me up and make me realize that my life on Earth isn't forever. I need to make the time I have here count. I believe He wants me to look around and find something worth spending my time doing, something that will make a difference in this world." Sue said smiling.

"Could that something include giving me grand children?" Carla asked. Sue smiled.

"Maybe one day." Sue answered. "I would like that. That's why I went with this drastic choice."

"Do you think that perhaps that nice young man who's been doting on you could be their father?" Carla teased, but seemed to be expecting an answer.

"Mom!" Sue gasped. Carla shrugged with a smile just as their male counterparts entered the room carrying goodies.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

The room was quiet, everyone had gone. Carla and Bill decided to get dinner and sleep at their hotel. Jack had gone home to shower and change. Anne threatened to make him disappear if he showed back up within the hour. Sue was alone and feeling lonely as Anne walked through the door.

"You have the best timing." Sue said.

"How's that?" She asked. Sue only smiled at her. "Feeling too alone?" She asked. Sue nodded. She reached into the closet and took her book out. "This will keep you busy." Anne said with a wink.

"Thanks. I can only imagine the dreams I'll have after reading this…" Sue joked.

"Hopefully a certain special FBI agent is in them…" Anne teased back. Sue blushed but laughed along with her. "You and he are really just friends?" She asked in disbelief.

Sue nodded. "Just friends."

"Can I ask, why?" She asked.

"Rules at work." Sue explained.

"And you don't think a shot at true love is worth breaking a few rules?" Anne asked as she sat on the edge of Sue's bed.

"I don't have a lot of real life experience, period. Before this job, I was pretty much in school and living with my parents. This is my dream job. I can't jeopardize my position or Jack's." Sue said, not convincing Anne.

"Really? Try again." She said pressing Sue for the entire truth.

"That's part of it…" She began

"What's the other part?" Anne pushed.

"I- I'm really new to the whole 'dating' thing. I've only had a few dates and one short term boyfriend in my entire life. In car terms, I've barely had my tires kicked… Jack's…" She hesitated while trying to find a good comparison.

"And Jack's been in for his 100 thousand mile tune up?" Anne joked. Sue nearly choked.

"Well, I don't know that I'd go quite that far, but, yeah, he's been around a lot more than I have." Sue said suggestively.

"That's not such a bad thing when it comes to men though. It's given him the time to figure out what he really wants, and what he doesn't. I've been married to the same man for the better part of a half century. Most of it's been good, some really bad, but most in the middle. We're satisfied with each other. He's a good man. We got married young, high school sweet hearts, both thought we were ready. I think he regrets not having the time to wander a little shall we say." Anne said.

"That's a horrible thought." Sue gasped.

"I'm not saying I think he regrets marrying me or our life together. I don't think either of us could see ourselves with anyone else. I think he has some wild oats that never got sewn." Anne laughed. "I'm just saying I think it's not such a bad thing if a man has been around the block a couple of times. He knows what he wants when he finally finds that right woman." Anne reassured.

"How do I know it's me he wants?" She paused. "If I cross that line with him, and he doesn't want the same thing, then I've thrown everything away. I couldn't work in the same office every day with him knowing what a fool I made of myself." Sue cringed at the thought.

"Jack doesn't strike me as the type of guy who would let you cross a line he wasn't interested in crossing. I'm sure he would find a way out of it without embarrassing either of you." Anne reassured.

"For now, I think I'll stick with sweet dream, subtly induced by this novel." Sue smiled.

"Well, you enjoy your book. I'll be back in the morning. Honey, tomorrow, we're going to move you. We're putting you in a regular room and you can go home on Saturday, as long as things still look good." Anne explained.

"Thanks." Sue said.

"I'm headed out. I'll see you tomorrow." Anne said. "The overnight nurse is Tillie, she'll be able to help with anything you might need."

"Thanks Anne. Drive safe." Sue called as Anne walked from the room. Sue opened the book and began to read. She'd gotten to the point in the book where the two main characters finally realize they're meant for each other, and get together. The further she got into the story, the deeper the shade of pink became that colored her cheeks.

Jack waited for Anne to disappear behind the cover of the nurses' station desk before he snuck into Sue's room. Sue glanced up from her book and smiled when she saw it was Jack.

"Hi. What are you doing here? Didn't Anne threaten you earlier if you came back?" Sue asked.

"She did, but technically, I haven't left yet, so…" He said, glancing back over his shoulder. "What are you reading?" Jack asked, noticing the color on her cheeks.

"That book Anne gave me." She answered. Jack tried to peek over her shoulder, but Sue put it face down on her chest.

"Want me to read to you for a little while?" he asked innocently.

"No, no… that's OK. I don't think you'd really like this…" she said making an excuse.

"Let me be the judge." He said grabbing the paperback from her.

"Jack…" Sue protested. Jack opened to the page she had book marked and began to read.

"…he pulled her forcefully into his arms, lust filling his eyes as he claimed her lips…" Jack began, his cheeks tinted just a bit. He chuckled, clearing his throat. "Is that what you think a first kiss should be like?" He asked.

"I didn't say that… it's just a book, which I didn't write…" Sue defended.

"But you're reading it…" Jack teased. Sue blushed.

"True." She said.

"See, the way I see it…" Jack began putting the book mark in the page he was reading and putting the book in her lap. "A first kiss should be something sweet, spontaneous, special…" He said as he leaned forward and gently grazed his lips over Sue's. Sue gasped at the unexpected move on Jack's part. It was barely a peck, but it held all the promise of a future for the two. His hand moved to her cheek. Anne walked in just as Jack was about to press his lips to hers again.

"You know, I _was_ going to throw you out on your butt…" Anne said with a wink. "I'm leaving, might I suggest you do too? The overnight nurse isn't a romantic like I am…"

"Yeah…" Jack said. He slowly got up from Sue's bed and walked toward the door. "See you in the morning?" He asked. "**Good night**."

"**Night**." She said back. "It will be now." She said smiling as the door closed.

Jack looked at Anne who had a silly grin on her face.

"Don't you start." He said in warning. Anne simply made a zipper on her lips and locked it, tossing the imaginary key over her shoulder and giggling. "Hmm…" Jack said.

"I'm glad you finally made your move." Anne said. Jack wagged his finger in her direction smiling. "Speaking of moving… we're moving Sue in the morning. Stop by and see me, I'll let you know where to."

"Thanks." Jack said. "I'll walk you to your car. You shouldn't be out here alone." He said.

"Such a gentleman. Usually there's a group of us or we get the security officer to escort us." Anne said. "Thank you for the armed escort." She said with a smile.

Jack gave her a quick hug. "Thanks for everything, really. I can't tell you what it means knowing Sue's ok."

"I think I know." Anne said as she got into her car, waved and drove away.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

The sun streaked into Sue's hospital room. It was a beautiful day. The night nurse strolled back into the area, checking on all of her patients.

"Good morning." She said to Sue.

"Good morning." Sue answered.

"Today's moving day from what I hear." The nurse said.

"Yes." Sue said rubbing her eyes still trying to wake up fully. "Nurse Tillie? I think I need to make a trip to the little girls' room." She said.

"Well then, I think we need to take that catheter out. Let me get some help." She said leaving the room. She returned a minute later with Anne at her side.

"Hey there sunshine!" Anne said happily.

"Do you like your job that much Anne, or are you just trying to make us feel better?" Sue teased.

"A little of both I guess." She answered. Tillie prepared to remove the catheter. Anne held her hand while talking to her, trying to keep Sue's mind off what was going on.

"So, that was a nice change of relationship status last night…" Anne began.

"It wasn't what you thought, or what I hoped." Sue assured.

"Well, I'm just an old lady who's been out of the dating game for a very long time, but I can still pick out want and desire on a man's face when I see it." Anne commented, catching Tillie's attention.

"Would that be that hunk with the incredibly sexy chocolate brown eyes I saw leaving here last night?" Tillie asked raising her eyebrow at them.

"That would be him." Anne answered.

"He's certainly a handsome man." Tillie teased back. Sue's face grew a darker shade of crimson. "And he's yours?" She asked. Sue's face shot up, not really knowing how to answer that question. "Lucky woman."

"We're friends…" Sue argued.

"Uh huh." Tillie said as she finished with Sue. "We're headed to the little girls' room right now." Tillie informed Anne.

"Oh, you go ahead, I'll take over from here." Anne said.

"OK, thanks. You have a good day." Tillie said. As she walked through the door she turned back to Sue, waving to get her attention. "Tell gorgeous I won't toss him out if he stops by tonight." She winked at Sue who was blushing intently and left.

"You guys…" Sue whined.

"Hey there!" Lucy called as she watched Sue cross the hall.

"Lucy!" Sue called back, happy to see her friend.

"Where are you headed?" She asked.

"Bathroom." Anne answered, and then, we're going to give her the boot. We need that room for actual sick people.

"Oh, and I'm what?" Sue asked.

"Faking to get more time out of work!" Anne teased.

"Uh!" Sue protested, taking the joke further.

"She wouldn't do that." Lucy assured.

"No, I guess not… not if that handsome young G-man is there to greet her every day!" Anne teased.

"Oh, I see you've met Jack?" Lucy asked noticing the deep blush on Sue's cheeks.

"Quit you two!" She ordered.

A few minutes passed and Sue returned to a waiting wheel chair.

"I can walk." Sue protested.

"I know you can, but it's hospital policy. Get in." Anne replied. Sue did as she was told. Anne walked back into Sue's room and gathered a few of her things, placed them in a box, and gave them to Lucy to carry. "We'll get you all settled in and then we'll get you signed up for your extracurricular class." She said with a wink.

"Extracurricular?" Sue asked frowning.

"Yep. PT. You'll need it for that shoulder and arm if you ever want to shoot a gun again." Anne explained.

"Well, then we're all set then, I don't want to shoot a gun." Sue said with a smile, hopeful that would get her out of her new class.

"You're quitting the FBI?" She asked.

"Sue doesn't carry a gun." Lucy explained.

"Ahh. Well, how about, if you ever want to hold those babies you made this choice for…" Anne said suggestively with a raised brown.

"OK, OK, torture me if you must." Sue agreed.

"Thought you'd see it my way." Anne laughed as she pushed Sue down the hall and around a corner.

"Will you stop by?" Sue asked.

"Oh, you're not getting rid of me that easily. I told you, I'm in this for the long haul with you, and I meant that. You're stuck with me until you check out on Saturday." Anne reassured. Sue smiled, feeling more at ease with her new surroundings.

"Lucy, do you want to help since her parents or Jack aren't here?" Anne asked.

"Sure. What do you need me to do?" She asked.

"Can you help her walk? Just spot her. She held her own pretty well in the way to tinkle." Anne laughed.

"Sure." Lucy said, enjoying the chuckle. Sue wrapped her arm around Sue's waste and helped her to her feet. The pair walked gingerly down the hall and around a corner. Sue stopped to watch as the world bustled around their daily chores oblivious to what was going on in her world that very minute. The continued their walk.

XOXOXOX

Jack woke for the first time in a few days in his own bed. He hadn't actually slept long, but it was good to stretch his whole body out and rest his head on his pillow. Most of the night had been spent laying staring at the ceiling of his bedroom watching the lights from the street below dance above him. His mind full of thoughts of Sue. His own words began to haunt him. He'd told her father that he'd planned on marrying her. He meant it, he wanted to, but didn't know the first step in making that happen. He knew he would have to talk to his higher ups and hope there was some 'head over heels in love with your partner' loophole clause that would allow them to change their relationship. At some point he'd turned onto his side and made a deliberate attempt to not think about Sue or their dilemma. He soon found he was unsuccessful. At two Jack gave up his fight for sleep and went for a job, hoping to wear himself out physically so he could crash when his head hit the pillow again. By 3:30, he was finally asleep. He'd hoped his mind would take him to an old case, or maybe a childhood memory, but it didn't. His dreams were haunted by Sue, and how much he needed her, and how much he wanted to be more than her friend. In each scene that played in his head, Sue rejected his advances, causing him to lose confidence as they progressed.

"I need a cat!" Jack mumbled as he pulled the pillow over his head hoping for peaceful, hopeful dreams.

When the morning sun streaked into his bedroom, it was just past 7. He showered and dressed for the day, wanting to get into the office early enough to broach the subject with D about his pending relationship with Sue. When he walked into the main entrance the smell of muffins caught his attention. He was instinctively drawn to the café for hot coffee and fresh coffee cake muffins, hot out of the oven. As he passed the bulletin board on his way to the elevator, he noticed a signed pinned to the board offering free kittens. Jack smiled, maybe this was a sign. He tore off the phone number and made his way up to his office.

D hadn't made his way upstairs yet, so out of curiosity, Jack called the number on the tab. He made an appointment at lunch to stop and see the litter. He wasn't sure he knew what he was doing; he'd always been more of a dog person.

D's shadow crossed the threshold of the office. Jack took a deep breath and followed him in.

"Hey Jack, How's Sue?" D asked.

"Last night she was good. I haven't seen her yet today."

"I thought you'd moved in there." D teased.

"Yeah, they thought so too. They asked for first and last month's rent. I thought I should go home." He laughed.

"For a man who spent the first night this week in his own bed, you don't look like you slept too well." D noticed.

"Sleep being the operative word there." Jack acknowledged. "I have a lot on my mind, that's all." Jack said.

"Something keeping you up? Something going on you want to talk about?" D offered.

"Sue." Jack said.

"I thought you said she was OK? Something change?" D asked.

"Not health wise." He sighed. "Are there any positions that will get me out of Sue's chain of command- off the same team?" Jack asked tentatively.

"Ahh." D said understanding. Jack smiled, blushing lightly.

"I'll inquire for you." D said. Jack sat on the edge of his desk. D walked to him, giving his shoulder a friendly, understanding squeeze. "I'll let you know." He said.

"Thanks Dimitrius, I really appreciate it." Jack said shaking his hand.

"Yeah. Hey go give Sue a hug from us. Donna and I are going to drop by tonight." D said.

"She'll love to see you guys." Jack said. "Her parents are here, and I'm sure she'd love the distraction!" He joked.

Jack walked to his desk, checked some email and phone messages. One by one the rest of the team showed up- all surprised to see Jack and bombarding him with questions about Sue.

XOXOXOXOX

At the hospital Sue and Lucy were getting her settled in her new room. She had a roommate this time. She was an elderly woman who'd just had her eighth cancer surgery. Carla and Bill stopped by to relieve Lucy. They visited for a bit, but wanted to go to the apartment to get it ready for Sue's homecoming the following day. A young woman came in asking Sue what she wanted for breakfast. The woman next to her offered her opinion with a happy giggle.

"The waffles are pretty good, but their French toast is to die for!" Then she laughed heartedly. Sue didn't acknowledge the woman's comment and ordered waffles.

"Not a fan of French toast?" The elderly woman asked. Still no response. The woman rolled her eyes in disgust at Sue. "Not much of a talker either I see, just my luck!" the woman commented. Sue didn't notice her. The woman waved her hand toward Sue, catching her attention. "Bahh! Just my luck!" She muttered.

"Oh, hi." Sue said cheerfully. "I'm Sue." She said.

"Oh, talking to me now are you?" She asked spitefully.

"I'm sorry?" Sue asked. There was a pause between them. "Oh, were talking to me before?" Sue asked.

"Do you see anyone else in the room?" She asked snidely.

"I'm so sorry. I'm deaf, I didn't know you were talking to me." Sue said smiling at the older woman.

"Oh." She said, blushing. "Then I guess I owe you an apology. I thought you were one of those 'poor me' people who was going to wallow in your own pity the entire time we're going to room together.

"Ahh… I try not to be like that." Sue said. Just then, the door opened and breakfast was delivered.

"Room service. I love this hotel." She joked. "French toast is better… just a thought for tomorrow's breakfast."

"Thanks." Sue said as she poured the syrup on her waffle and cut into individual bites.

"Let's try this again shall we?" the woman said. "Angie- Angie Silva." She said, pulling herself up in her bed some.

"Sue Thomas. It's nice to meet you." Sue said.

"First time staying at Anne's humble abode?" she joked.

"Yes." Sue said.

"Pretty thing like yourself, don't tell me, let me guess…" She said with a sly smile on her lips. "…breast augmentation!" she laughed.

"Actually…" Sue added also laughing, but blushing slightly.

"Oh, honey, don't be shy about it. I've had both of mine done. When Anne comes back in I'll have her get them out of the drawer over there and show you!" She joked. Sue found herself again laughing. "If you decide to reconstruct, or go fake, go bigger!" She laughed.

"Well, I only had one removed, I don't think bigger is the best idea, I'd be lopsided!" Sue laughed again.

"You certainly would be getting looks then, wouldn't you!" Angie commented with a wide smile.

"You're hysterical- you have a great attitude." Sue said. "Do you mind if I ask…" Sue began.

"Oh, not at all. This is my eighth surgery- and last I think. This one was my left kidney. I'm about hollow now…" She laughed again. Anne came back into the room.

"My two favorite guests… if you don't settle down in here, I'm going to have to separate you!" She teased.

"Annie, sweetie, show Sue my boobs will ya?" she called.

"No- that's ok." Sue said. Anne laughed as she was leaving.

"OK you two, keep the ruckus down in here. You know the routine. You need me, I'm at the other end of that button." Anne said as she closed the door behind her.

"I love her." Angie said. "She's been a rock through this whole ordeal."

"Yeah, me too." Sue agreed.

"So how long you been deaf?" She asked.

"I can't remember not being deaf. I was about 18 months old." Sue explained.

"And you can read lips?" She asked.

"Yeah, my mother insisted I have a normal childhood." She explained rolling her eyes a bit.

"Sounds like a determined woman." Angie chuckled.

"She is. You'll meet her later, I'm sure." Sue smiled. "So, you said this was your eighth surgery?" Sue asked.

"Yep. Hysterectomy, double mastectomy, piece of my right lung, piece of my liver, gall bladder, part of my colon, and now my left kidney." She said keeping track of how many on her fingers as she counted them off. "Like I said, I'm about hollow!" She laughed.

"You're awfully cheerful for someone who's gone through so much." Sue said.

"God's been real good to me. He gave me a good man for 59 years, four great kids, nine grand children, and one great grandchild. I've had a good life, can't complain over what I can't control." She explained.

"Wow. You have such a great attitude toward life." Sue said.

"I like to think it's a great attitude toward death. I decided to look at the positive side of things a long time ago. I do everything I can here to help, and do everything I want to do, then in the end I get my shot at the pearly gates." She said smiling softly. "I even made a bucket list when I was first diagnosed which I'm nearly done with." Angie explained.

"A what?" Sue asked.

"Bucket list. You know, a list of everything you want to do before you kick the bucket." She said. "You got one?"

"No." Sue admitted.

"Awe, you should make one. Best thing I did. It got me motivated to do stuff other than sit around feeling sorry for myself." Angie said.

"What sorts of things?" Sue asked.

"Well, let's see… I went hiking, jumped out of a perfectly good airplane! I went to Australia and on an African safari. I always wanted to do that…" She said, thinking back. "What an incredible experience." She thought again. "I went deep sea fishing on a fishing boat, won't do that again! Not as much fun as I thought it would be." She admitted.

"Wow…" Sue said.

"Yeah… I told you, I had a good life. I took my great grandson to the Grand Canyon and rode a mule down. I don't know how much he'll remember when he's your age, but he was twelve when we did that." Angie remembered fondly.

"Those will be memories he'll be telling stories to his kids about when he's older." Sue said smiling. "What's left on your list? If you don't mind my asking."

"Not at all. Honestly, there's not too much. I want to see Nova Scotia, always thought it was beautiful up there. While I'm over the border, I might make my way through a few of the tourist attraction areas like Toronto, Montreal and Niagara Falls." Angie added. "I'm hoping to be able to hold on long enough to be able to rock my great-great granddaughter when she arrives in a few weeks."

"Sounds nice." Sue said. "Congratulations, a fifth generation, that's quite an accomplishment."

"Thank you, we're very excited. I would like to be around to see him actually marry that girl friend of his, but that, I think is a bit much to ask for. They've set their wedding date for next July." She said. "So, what would you put on a bucket list?" She asked.

"I don't know." She said.

"Come on, there's gotta be something you've always wanted to do." Angie nudged.

"Rocking my own babies would be nice." Sue answered.

"No children yet?" Angie asked.

"No husband yet." Sue answered with a smile. Just as the words left her lips, Jack opened the door and came in.

"Hi. You scared me half to death." He said as he took her hand gently in his. Angie instantly picked up on their attraction and smiled.

"Why?" Sue asked.

"I forgot Anne said you were moving today and no one reminded me. My heart sank when I opened the door and you weren't in there." He explained.

"Oh, sorry. I would have thought Lucy would have mentioned it when she got to the office." Sue said.

"I must have passed her on the way back." Jack said. "I'm just glad you're ok." He looked up and smiled. "You have a roommate this time too?"

"Angie Silva, this is Jack Hudson." Sue introduced them.

"Nice to meet you Jack Hudson." Angie said smiling. "Sue, I'm going to take a little nap. Wake me later on, will ya?" She asked.

"Sure thing." Sue said as Angie drew the curtain giving them some privacy.

"How are you feeling?" Jack asked as he pulled a chair up.

"Good actually. They're taking me for PT soon. I'm not looking forward to it, but I guess if I ever want to play tennis I need to do it, right?" Sue asked.

"You don't play tennis." Jack commented, confused, but smiling.

"No, but better than thinking of firing a gun." Sue said smiling back.

"One for the bucket list…" Angie called. "Oh, damn! Jack, I forget, she can't hear me… please tell her that?"

"Umm, Angie wants me to tell you she said 'One for the bucket list'?" Jack said, more as a question than a comment. "Bucket list?"

"Yeah… Angie was telling me some of the things she put on her bucket list that she's done. Things like sky diving and hiking in the Grand Canyon." Sue said. Jack raised his eye brows.

"Impressive. You don't want to skydive, do you?" He asked.

"No." She laughed. "I have to think about it because I don't know what I would put on a list of my own." Sue said. "How's work?"

"The same." Jack answered.

"Anything new on the Newman case?" Sue asked.

"No, no new leads. Tara's got lead on it now, I'm going to follow up on a few things this afternoon." Jack said. "I actually have an appointment after lunch, but I'll be back after that." He said.

"Why don't you concentrate on work, come back later?" Sue suggested.

"Can't do that. Anne has promised to let me go to your PT and learn how to do the exercises with you so I can help you with them at home. I'll show Lucy and your mom how to do them too, so we can cover you." He answered.

"Cover or smother?" Sue asked.

"You need to do them, and we all care about you, you know that." He said.

"I know." Sue said. "So, what's the appointment for?" She asked.

"Umm, let's just say, it's a surprise." Jack said smiling at her. She arched an eye brow in his direction. "OK… since it's only about 10:30? What time do I have you until?" She asked, blushing slightly at the suggestiveness of her question.

"Umm… I can stay til about 12. I have to meet Tara to go over a few notes, meet with a witness, and then there's that appointment." He said.

"Still not going to tell me?" She asked

"Nope." Jack said laughing.

"Sue?" Anne asked as she opened the door. "PT time. Glad to see you Jack. Do you have time to join us?" She asked.

"I do." He answered.

"We'll be back Angie. Do you want anything while we're out? Maybe I can sneak out for something?" Sue said.

"I'm good Hun, thanks. See you in a bit." Angie called. "Damn! Jack…" She called.

"I've got you covered." Jack said as he relayed the message. Anne helped Sue into the wheel chair and the three strolled into the elevator up to the physical therapy department.

"OK, we're here. " Anne said as she locked Sue in place and retrieved a therapist. "Pam, this is my new star student, Sue Thomas. Sue this is Pam Tellier. She's one of the best we have."

"Nice to meet you." Pam said as she held out her hand to Sue. She looked at Jack and shook his hand as well.

"Jack." He said.

"I'm going to show you some very simple exercises you and your husband can do at home during recovery." Pam began.

"Uhh, he's not my husband, he's just a friend." Sue explained. Anne chuckled from behind the group.

"OH…" Pam uttered. "I'm sorry for the mix up."

"Yeah, that was my take on things too Pam." Anne laughed as she left.

"Well, Jack… are you planning on helping Sue with these exercises?" she asked.

"Yes. I'll show the others as well." He answered, his cheeks a bit pink from the now common mix up.

"Good. Let's get started. I'm going to show you how to help her up from either a sitting or laying position." She said as she hoisted her from the chair. Sue walked, although slowly, to a table.

"How can I help?" Jack asked.

"Tie up the johnny so it doesn't fall off when we're doing the exercises." Pam answered. Jack walked to Sue's back and reached for the ties to her top. His fingers nervously tightened the top tie and made bow ties of the next two. "You're going to want to wear something loose fitting for the first month or so, don't push it. Also, something button up, no pullovers until you can get your arm over your head, you don't want to pull anything."

"OK." Sue said taking metal notes.

"I want you to do the everyday things like eating and brushing your hair and teeth as best you can, as you usually do. Don't baby this side, it'll only hurt in the long run. Alright, lay down, on your back. Put some pillows on her left side. You want your wrist above your elbow, your elbow higher than your shoulder and above your heart." Pam said propping the pillows so Sue's arm would be in the right position. Jack watched closely. "You're going to want to do this two to three times a day for about 45 minutes each time. Now, once you're comfortable, open and close your hand." Sue began to make a fist and release it. "Great, do this about 20-25 times." Jack counted as Sue continued her exercising. She made it to 17 before wanting to quit. She winced in pain, but Jack encouraged her through the pain to finish her full 25.

"Great. It's harder than it sounds." She sighed as Sue nodded in agreement. "I pray I never have to be on that side of this routine."

"Me too." Sue said with a smile. "What's next?" She asked.

"Elbow bending." She said.

"Why do I think that's going to be more torture than it should be?" Sue joked.

"Because it is." Pam answered honestly.

"Very slowly, put your arm down to the table, then bend it back up. Almost as if you're flexing your muscle." Pam explained. "Do the same amount, 3-4 times a day. This will help with swelling. I'm going to have you work on breathing too. I want you to take very deep breaths. Bring it in using your diaphragm." She said.

Sue took a deep breath, but in her chest. Pam shook her head.

"More like this." Pam said as she filled her belly with air. "Push your belly button up toward the ceiling." Sue tried again. "There ya go. Let it out nice and slow… no hyperventilating on me." She said laughing. "What do you think Jack, can you handle this? I'll be back in a bit." Pam asked.

"Uh… sure. I'll give it a try." He said, although a bit nervous.

Sue slowly began to try the new set of exercises while working on her breathing exercises. "Why does it always sound easier than it really is?" She groaned.

"Probably because the person explaining and demonstrating didn't just have major surgery… You're doing great, only a few more to go." He encouraged. Sue paused at 19, taking an additional deep breath but pushed herself. Jack took Sue's other hand in his and gave her an encouraging smile. Her breathing had him caught up in his own thoughts, some less innocent than others. Sue finally squeezed his hand, snapping him out of his daze.

"I thought I was the one who's deaf here?" She teased.

"Sorry… lost in thought I guess." He said making an excuse.

"Care to share?" She asked. Jack blushed and shook his head. Pam came in before Sue could press the subject.

"How's it going in here?" She asked.

"Good. I finished the exercises you described." Sue said.

"Great. Now, here's a hand out for you, read it over when you get back to your room. You can let me know or Anne if you have any questions. It basically describes what you want or what to expect from the PT. You want to feel stretching of the skin, a slight burn is ok too. You never want to feel pain. Numbness, tingling in your chest and armpit area are totally normal, it should get better with time. Keep doing the routine unless you see redness and swelling, then call your doctor. Even if you notice the symptoms getting worse, keep going. Most women get a little worse before they get better." Pam explained.

"So, this could hurt worse than it does now?" Jack asked with a pained look on his face.

"It could." Pam answered. "You don't ever want to jerk or bounce your arm, that will only make things worse. You need to heal on the inside as well as the outside, so give your body the chance to do that. Slow, steady movements. If you can't do the routine without help, make an appointment with a PT place. We have some really good ones in the city." She explained. She asked Jack to help Sue into a sitting position. Pam laid on the floor holding a yard stick in her hands. "Palms up, lift the stick above your head until you feel the stretch in your left arm. Hold it for 5 seconds and repeat this 7 times or so." She watched to make sure both Sue and Jack understood. "This next one I call chicken wings, always makes me crave hot wings too…" She joked. "Lay flat on your back, put your hands behind your head, fingers entwined. Pull your elbows together to meet as close together as you can with _just_ the stretching feeling, like this…" She said, demonstrating once again. "Do these 5-7 times."

"Should I be writing this down?" Jack asked. "I'm not sure I can remember all of this." He said seriously.

"No, it's all on the pamphlet." Pam explained handing him the paperwork. She continued to show and explain exercises for Sue to try while she's sitting and standing. She also went over the list of things to watch for such as dizziness, weakness, tingling or heaviness in her chest or arms.

"It's a lot to take in." Sue commented glancing at the paper that Jack was not looking over.

"It is, but you have the paper as a guideline, you can always call us or your doctor. We're here to help you." Pam reassured her. She patted Jack on the shoulder. "You two try some of these, and if you need help, or instruction, let me know."

Jack helped Sue back onto the table and adjusted her arm correctly on the pillows. Pam watched from her office window and smiled knowing that Jack had actually listened and paid attention to her instruction.

The hour passed slowly and at the end, Sue was in agony. Her muscles felt as if she hadn't used them in months. Pam showed Jack one last trick to easing the muscles. She gently rubbed and massaged the muscle under Sue's arm. Jack was visibly uncomfortable.

"Umm, I think I'll have her Mom come back up here later, you can show _her_ that one." He said blushing slightly.

"Hmm, just friends huh?" Pam said under her breath with a smirk. It was loud enough for Jack to hear her though. His eyes met hers as his cheeks burned. She helped Sue back into her wheel chair as Jack took his place behind her. Pam waved him away from the handles allowing her to drive.

"You're transparent Mr. Hudson. If she hasn't noticed, she's blind as well as deaf." Pam said glancing at him. The rest of the trip back to Sue's room was silent.


	17. Chapter 17

Author's note:

I'm sorry to say this, but…. My computer crashed and I have no way to upload what's on my flash drive to the net. I'm going to TRY to get a new computer soon, but… please understand I'm treading water right now! Hope to get to write for you again soon!

Kim


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